


Three's A Crowd

by crocodilepatronus



Series: True Narcisissm-verse [2]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Facials, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Other, Self-cest, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-13 02:45:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crocodilepatronus/pseuds/crocodilepatronus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Extension of the True Narcissism-verse.<br/>Things become complicated when Jimmy Kent has to deal with TWO Thomas Barrows at Downton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
One Thomas had been more than enough trouble in Jimmy’s life. The very last thing he needed was for there to be two of them. It had only taken one Thomas to kiss him in his sleep which had been… disgusting.  _Right. Disgusting. It was disgusting._  Jimmy reminded himself firmly as he did about a hundred times a day- everytime he looked at Thomas’s lips which was a habit that seemed infeasibly hard to break. They were so red and the way they moved when he talked was just…  ** _No_**. … But they’d been against his lips and he’d barely been awake for it. Even if he wanted to he couldn’t remember the sensation. And if he were to be honest he desperately wanted to remember.  ** _No you don’t! You’re glad you don’t remember and you want to forget all about it!_**  Well that was atleast partly true. He did wish he could forget about it. But he couldn’t. He hadn’t been able to forget for over two years. It wasn’t even just when Thomas was around which was horrible- the worst. Completely distracting. Impossible to do any work. Or have coherent thoughts. No, it wasn’t just when he was around. It was any time when Jimmy was alone too. And not just the kiss which was already enough to drive him mad. It was everything about Thomas. He’d sit in his room at night sometimes just staring wide eyed up at the ceiling completely unable to clear his mind of anything but the thought of how nice Thomas’s fingers were and how they’d touched his neck at the piano and how it had sent electric currents through his skin that he could still almost feel when he thought about it. He’d wished he wouldn’t do that at the time. Because he knew that everytime Thomas touched him his brains were closer to turning into complete mush. But the way things were currently was no better. It had shocked him to learn that Thomas  ** _not_**  touching him was just as bad. Because all the time he thought about if Thomas  ** _WAS_**  touching him. No, Thomas would probably never touch him again, he thought. Not in the same way. Maybe not in any way. In two years Thomas had barely so much as brushed shoulders with him even on accident. And Jimmy couldn’t blame him of course. He’d thought pushing Thomas away and being unimaginably callous to him would somehow kill his own feelings but they’d only become stronger and stronger. Now the thought that he’d been so irrevocably cruel to the point where Thomas wouldn’t even hold eye contact or touch him possibly ever again made Jimmy’s chest tighten. Atleast they were friends now. Jimmy just wanted to be close to him if nothing else. He’d fought so hard against that urge to just be with Thomas for too long. Seeing that Thomas genuinely cared for him and get beat up for him was the breaking point and he’d given in. He didn’t force himself to avoid Thomas anymore. He couldn’t. And they even talked together at times, played cards, laughed… Jimmy still wanted more if he was honest with himself (he tried not to be). If nothing else he wanted Thomas to stop looking almost scared of him. He’d find the under-butler staring at him, the same besotted look in his eye that he got, and then the man would seem to catch himself and look away.  _He’s probably scared if he looks at you a second too long you’ll report him to the police and you’ve given him good reason to think that way_. Jimmy thought he would do anything to see Thomas looking at him without reservation again, just able to be around him and be comfortable. He thought he’d give anything for that … until it really happened.

Because here was Thomas staring him in the face even with his eyebrows raised, blue eyes looking him up and down appraisingly, a little smirk at the corner of his lips bold as anything. But it wasn’t his Thomas. This was a different Thomas. A younger Thomas. And Jimmy knew his life was about to be flipped even more on it’s side than before.  

 

 _God I hope I didn’t look that lascivious when_ **I** _first beheld Jimmy_ Thomas thought as he watched his younger self undressing Jimmy with his eyes. It was embarassing. What was more embarassing was how for a second, the first instant that younger Thomas had laid eyes on Jimmy he’d seen **_it_**. He still wasn’t sure what ‘it’ was or more like what he should refer to it because just the idea of calling it ‘love at first sight’ made him want to crawl into a hole. But that’s what it was. And now he’d seen it visibly across his own face. A slight lighting up of his eyes and his mouth had opened unconsciously. But young Thomas was a well oiled machine and almost immediately snapped his jaw shut and fixed his lips back into a complacent smirk. His eyes though, he couldn’t control quite as well and they were still roaming over Jimmy as if he was tring to memorize detail of his appearance. He contemplated giving him a subtle kick to make him remember himself.

 

 _Oh he is gorgeous. No denying that_. Thomas had been prepared to be unimpressed with the cause of his older self’s downfall so he’d been caught a little off guard. The boy was beautiful. Golden hair perfectly coifed- it practically sparkled in the light, those cheekbones, and such full lips… _No wonder I couldn’t keep my hands off him_. He reluctantly took his gaze off him and turned to Thomas, giving him a smile and a clap on the shoulder uncharacteristic of their relationship and said brightly “Well, good luck with that.”

Older Thomas rolled his eyes, barely supressing a groan of embarassment.

Jimmy’s eyes were flicking wildly between the two of them. Poor thing looked like a rabbit cornered by two snakes.

“I’m Thomas.” young Thomas introduced himself cheerfully, putting on his most winning smile.

“I… I know that.” Jimmy said hesitantly, still trying to process what was going on, “… I mean…” he shook his head, “… this is mad….”

“Oh it shouldn’t be too confusing.” young Thomas went on, “I’m just a footman same as you so you can call me Thomas, and him you call Mr.Barrow. He’s your boss after all.” young Thomas felt a small sense of achievement in working it so he was the one on first name basis with Jimmy. Older Thomas shot a glare at him.

Alfred came loping in, shaking his head.

“I still don’t know how we’ll even tell you apart.” he said, “’Specially if you’re not in uniform.”

“Well that’s easy too. I’m the handsome one.” young Thomas said cockily, looking pointedly at Jimmy.

Jimmy and Alfred laughed but older Thomas was glaring at the other.

“He’s the evil twin is more like it.” he said with an attempt a good natured smile that came out more smug.

Younger Thomas’s smile lost some of it’s good humor and Jimmy whistled under his breath, eyes flicking between the two of them. There was tension. And a sense that there were things understood between the two Thomases that no one else in the room could even begin to imagine.

The following days were utter madness. Carson would ask to speak to Thomas and both Thomas’s would look up with the same expression and say “yes, Mr.Carson?” simultaneously and immediately whip around to glare at eachother. They’d get up for smoking breaks at the same time but then purposely stand away from eachother outside. Once they both came into the kitchen and Daisy nearly had a heart attack when a Thomas on either side of her reached round at the same time to snatch a taste of what she’d just taken out of the oven. What surprised everyone the most was that they’d have expected Thomas and Thomas to be a tight-knit pair since Thomas had always seemed to think himself better than everyone else, but instead there was a perceivable animosity between the two. No, an obvious animosity.

One night at dinner the elder of the Thomases went for a second helping and the younger Thomas across from him scoffed and said “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You’re not as fit as you used to be.”

Practically everyone at the table had fallen silent in anticipation of a fight of Thomas vs. Thomas but the under-butler smiled calmly and replied, “Well, atleast I can be trusted to decant the wine now without stealing it.” To which the footman’s face had fallen and his eyes shifted nervously between Bates and Carson. Neither of them said a thing to eachother for the rest of the evening.

 

For Jimmy it was all torture. When one Thomas wasn’t around, the other was, and when they were both in the same room it was impossible to even breathe. The first night after meeting young Thomas he hadn’t slept a wink. To his own chagrin he couldn’t stop comparing the two Thomases in his mind. _Younger Thomas’s hair is a different style… it might be nicer to run one’s fingers through… but Older Thomas is a bit more mature looking and I might like that_ …. He’d catch himself thinking this way and wanted to smack his own head against the wall to rid himself of these thoughts.

What made it worse was that young Thomas who hadn’t the first hand experience of being rejected by Jimmy, almost losing his job and having his life ruined by Jimmy, was much bolder and familiar than older Thomas who had. And he was much cheekier than older Thomas.

On the second day of his stay young Thomas had caught Jimmy staring at him in the servant’s hall which was mortifying enough but his response was to smirk slyly at him and _WINK_ as he blew smoke from his lips in Jimmy’s direction. Needless to say Jimmy had nearly choked on the tea he’d been drinking, turned red in the face, and left the room.

On the fourth day Jimmy had been lost in his thoughts coming down the stairs (incidentally thinking about Thomas) and nearly tripped when young Thomas’s hand caught him at the small of his back- a few inches lower than where was appropriate, and lingered there as he leaned in close and said “careful now.” Well, his voice had said ‘careful, now’ his eyes and the sly twist of his lips said ‘I want to have you in my bed’ and then his fingers had trailed even lower down Jimmy’s waist before leaving him and walking off.

If it had been a few years ago Jimmy would have jumped back and screamed blue murder over a touch like that from Thomas.  _If you had any common sense you still would. You do know what you’re feeling is considered against God and against the law, don’t you?_ a voice in his head consistently reminded him. But he was so tired of resisting. So tired of lying to himself. It was exhausting and he simply couldn’t do it anymore. Especially now that there were two of Thomas.

That night Alfred had stayed long downstairs chatting up Daisy and Ivy but Jimmy had rushed to bed as soon as he could, stumbling to his room and throwing his clothes off before getting under the covers and beginning to stroke his erection fervently. He paused for a moment, feeling ashamed and scared suddenly. _You’re touching yourself while thinking about A MAN_ one side of his thoughts voiced angrily. _Two men actually_ the other part of his brain corrected.

 _I’m sick of this_ Jimmy thought. _It’s so stupid to be denying myself when I know what I’m feeling isn’t wrong- **can’t** be wrong._ He took a deep breath. _What I did to Thomas- well, older Thomas… that was wrong._ Having young Thomas around in a strange way made Jimmy feel less guilty. Almost like he had a second chance. _You’ve done nothing terrible to **him**. You can do everything you should’ve done before. _ But it was so insane… Because that Thomas wasn’t **_his_** Thomas. In a strange way he wasn’t the **_real_** Thomas. Or was he? Weren’t they both real? Jimmy could feel himself getting a headache when he thought about it.  And he couldn’t think about it- not now when he was so hard it was painful.

He began to slowly brush his fingertips against his shaft again, closing his eyes. _Imagine your hands are Thomas’s… Which one?... Either… No, both_ … He made a loose fist around his cock, moving his palm up and down across it. He barely supressed a whimper. He was thinking of how it would feel to have both of them touching him and kissing him all over his body. He paused and opened his eyes. He glanced at the locked door. Alfred wouldn’t be back for atleast another hour. Feeling his face go hot he reached his other hand behind him and slowly began to ease a finger into his asshole. His breath hitched. _My you have gotten bold, Jimmy Kent_. He began to push the finger deeper, feeling how tight he was. He couldn’t relax. He was too embarassed to relax. He tried to take a deep breath and shut his eyes again _. If you’re adopting this new and liberated approach to being honest with yourself then who knows what could happen. You might as well be ready._ He winced as he tried to fit another finger inside. God, he wished he had some sort of lubricant but he hadn’t any.

“Oh…” he breathed, slowly thrusting the two fingers in and out in a very slow rhythm and beginning to use the other hand to stroke his cock faster. He thought about Thomas’s hands- flicking ash from his cigarette, holding a cup of tea, _wrapped around his cock_ … “God” he moaned quietly, pumping himself faster until he was spilling over his hands and gasping.

 _Yes. I’m not going to be afraid anymore. I’m going to get what I want. I deserve it. And we’ll be careful. I’ll make sure we are. No one will find out_. Jimmy practically nodded to himself in resolve. The only question was… which Thomas did he want? 


	2. Double Trouble

Young Thomas had been perfectly ready to hate Jimmy Kent. He’d thought his older self was probably so desperate for romance he would fall for anyone. But he realized quickly that that wasn’t the case at all. Not only was Jimmy beautiful but he was clever, and funny, and cheeky (a tease if there ever was one)… Thomas felt like he liked him more and more everyday and it was a little disconcerting. To think that even knowing what older Thomas hadn’t that he would get trapped just as easily.

 _How thick can you get?_  he chastised himself as he took a smoking break alone.  _He nearly lost you your job, didn’t even help you when you got beat up for him… You should hate him._  Well, he hadn’t done any of those things to  **him**  specifically. But he would. Actually Jimmy had been quite nice to  _him_. Laughed easily at things he said. He’d caught him staring at him a few times as well. He thought older Thomas was jealous- he kept catching disapproving glares from him everytime he went near Jimmy. The thought of that made him smirk around his cigarette to himself.

 _Maybe that’s it. Maybe Jimmy just didn’t want to be kissed by older, stupid, Thomas._  He contemplated this, taking a long drag and holding it in the back of his throat.  _Me, I could still have a chance with him. We’re probably the same age. And Jimmy seems sensible._

Thomas stamped out his cigarette and smiled. He’d figured it all out. He and his older self had been acting as rivals to eachother all along but now they had a prize- and that prize was Jimmy Kent.

He walked back into the kitchen with a skip in his step and wound an arm around Daisy from behind who was standing at the counter talking to Jimmy.

“Hello, Daisy, do you remember doing the grizzly bear with me or was that too many years ago?” he asked putting one hand up in a claw shape.

Daisy grinned and rolled her eyes, giving him a light shove.

“If it was me whose younger self came back I’d have just one piece of advice for her- ‘stay away from Thomas and don’t do anything he says’” she said.

Thomas frowned disapprovingly and walked to the other side of the counter, boldly putting an arm around Jimmy instead.

“And what about you, Jimmy? Do you like to dance?”

For a moment Jimmy panicked internally but the new and liberated part of his mind went  _You love dancing. And you love Thomas. And Carson isn’t around. There’s nothing to be ashamed of._  Even Daisy had shook her head at them good naturedly but was now turned away and retrieving something from a cabinet on the other side of the kitchen.  _No one is here to see. You’re safe. Let yourself flirt a little._

So he smirked up at the man only inches away from him. “I could dance better far better than you and no mistake. But I think Daisy’s a sensible girl and she just said to look out for you. Are you very naughty, Thomas?” he asked in a mockingly demure tone.

Thomas grinned back at him wolfishly and opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by his own voice but coming from the doorway.

“You three still awake?” The under-butler Thomas was standing in the doorway. He was staring only at his younger self and with a look that could kill.

“I’m just going to bed now.” Daisy said, taking off her apron.

Jimmy knew he must be red in the face. He almost wanted to yell  _‘it’s not what it looks like!’_  but it was exactly what it looked like _. I was flirting with you… You just weren’t around._

He swallowed and then forced a bright smile and took the under-butler’s arm.

“Right, Mr.Barrow- I’ve just been told your dancing is going to blow me away.” he said but this Thomas as if in a knee-jerk reaction pulled his arm out of Jimmy’s reach. Jimmy looked up at him and was shocked to see a moment of terrible hurt in the other man’s eyes as they met his own as if the touch had physically burned him. The under-butler looked away, shaking his head slightly and smiling bitterly.

“I don’t do much dancing anymore.”

“Can’t get a partner more like.” young Thomas chirped snidely from behind them and came up to take Jimmy around the waist again, twirling him away from older Thomas.

“Come on, Jimmy, dancing is for young persons like you and me.” he said it to Jimmy and his tone was happy, flirtatious but his eyes were locked on the older Thomas’s and his face was a mask of thinly veiled anger.

Jimmy brushed him off. “No, he’s right. We should… go to bed.” he gave each of the Thomas’s a tight smile before leaving the room.

Only a few steps down the hall and he heard his name.

“Jimmy!” he turned around. It was older Thomas who’d jogged after him but when he’d turned he seemed to stop and almost look surprised as if he didn’t know how he’d gotten there.

“I…” he looked around, anywhere but at Jimmy’s face. He finally looked back up at him and said uncertainly, “…goodnight.”

 _What were you **planning**  to say to me?_ Jimmy knew now he certainly would be having a sleepless night thinking about it.  _Did you come after me to confess your love? Or was it to apologize for your younger self’s behavior? Were you going to say “I promise I’m not like that anymore, I wouldn’t flirt with you like that”?_

He wished he could convey it just through his eyes without saying anything to him at all. He wished he could say  _Don’t give up on me. And don’t be scared of me. You can touch me, I won’t hurt you ever again._  …

“Goodnight, Mr.Barrow.”

-

Thomas wasn’t sure what he’d meant to say to Jimmy. The whole situation was a bloody mess. It was hard enough dealing with his younger self but to then have Jimmy be put in his line of fire was a worst possible scenario. He sighed as he undressed.  _He prefers the other Thomas to you. That’s all there is to it_. He threw his jacket on his armchair haphazardly and sat down on his bed, still half clothed and put his face in his hands. Jimmy had looked so at ease being waltzed around the kitchen by that Thomas. He remembered Jimmy’s face when he’d tried to touch him more than 2 years ago. Anxious, fearful… He’d told himself at the time he just wasn’t exactly sure of himself. He’d thought then  _it’s because he likes you that he looks so nervous about you_. And O’Brien had just encouraged those thoughts. Thinking back on how foolish he’d been made him want to stick his head in the oven.  _Well, I was certainly proved wrong_. He’d never forget Jimmy’s face when Alfred had walked in and he’d woken up to Thomas kissing him.   _You disgust him._  He’d promised he’d never let himself mistake Jimmy’s feelings like that again. But for some reason he’d looked so happy with young Thomas.  _I’ve been passed up for myself. The ultimate irony_.

The door to the room opened and shut and Thomas looked up to see Thomas come in in his nightclothes and flop down on the bed on the other side of the room. Carson had had them share their bedroom and it was a situation both of them resented.

“What do you look so bloody depressed for?” he laughed, knowing full well.

“I wish you’d never come here.” Thomas tried to say it firmly, to make it bite, but his voice broke.

Thomas just shook his head, still looking overly pleased. “Why? So you could pine over Jimmy Kent all by your lonesome for the rest of time? Hoping no one else would ever touch him? And I’m sure you think that’s well and good for Jimmy and all. Poor man, I’m sure it would get lonely and tedious up there on the pedastel you’ve built for him.”

“It’s not-!” Thomas had to take a deep breath through his nose before continuing “It’s not that. It’s just… Jimmy’s. Not. Like  _That_. He’s not like  **us**.”

“Oh, please. He’s a closeted case if I ever saw one.”

“You’re an idiot!” Thomas shouted and then remembering himself lowered his voice but he could feel the frustration building in his chest like a heavy throbbing weight, “He’s  **not**. Don’t you think I would know? I’ve been watching him much longer than you have.”

He was always watching Jimmy it felt like. At the end of the day he could barely remember what he’d done or what anyone else had said but he remembered everything Jimmy did and he’d lie in bed thinking of it before he fell asleep. Every look Jimmy gave and every word he spoke. He’d try to catalogue any times when Jimmy had looked uncertain or uncomfortable around him. And he’d think of how Jimmy had glared at him for two years at every opportunity. He’d remember how he’d flirted with Jimmy long before he’d kissed him and how unknowingly he’d probably been making him terribly uncomfortable all that time _. He probably thought he couldn’t tell me to stop because I was his superior. I had him all wrong before. How can I ever trust myself to know what Jimmy feels?_ He’d wonder if their friendship even was actually just making Jimmy miserable.  _He feels like he has to be my friend because I’m second in command right under Carson now and because I got beat up for him but really he can’t stand the sight of me. He hates to even be near me. But he’s too nice to say because he thinks he owes me._  He’d think this over and over and he’d be overwhelmed by a guilt that felt like shrapnel in his chest.  _He doesn’t like me. I know he doesn’t…_

Young Thomas shrugged petulantly. “Suit yourself.”

The under-butler stood up and continued where he’d left off undressing himself, throwing his braces on the floor.  _I don’t care if I leave a mess. I don’t care about anything._  He thought bitterly. But Thomas was up from his bed in a flash.

“Hold on- is this any behavior for the under butler of Downton Abbey?” he clicked his tongue and shook his head, coming up to Thomas and lowering his hands for him. “Let me if you can’t do it yourself, you fool.”

The under-butler sighed and let his arms go limp as the footman undressed him with care. He didn’t make any move when Thomas began to kiss him on his throat and run his hands down his newly bared chest.

“Would me calling you ‘milord’ again cheer you up…?” he asked as he put a hand in the under-butler’s pants.

“No it wouldn’t.” he said tersely, slapping his hands away.

Younger Thomas pulled away to fetch the other’s pajamas and frowned.

“…You were fine doing this again last night…” he said.

“Last night was….”

Last night… Thomas had been dreaming about Jimmy. The older Thomas was, that is. And in his dreams he saw Jimmy turned away from him getting dressed just like the day he’d first met him. And he still remembered how sunkissed and lovely his skin was and how smooth the planes of his back were. And then his eyes had flown open and he’d seen his own face above his, kissing him on the lips.

The other man’s lips had twisted into a smirk against his and he’d breathed “were you hoping I’d be Jimmy…?” and kissed him on the jaw. “you were whispering his name in your sleep…” and all at once Thomas had felt so desperate and so heartbroken that he’d wrapped his arms around his own neck and pulled him down into a deeper kiss….

“…Last night was different.” he finished, pulling on his pajama bottoms and sitting back on his bed.

Thomas laughed once at him, also sitting down next to him. “Different how? Are you any less of a lonely sod tonight than you were the night before?”

He put his hand over the older man’s crotch and began to rub agressively through the cloth of his pants.

“What is it? Can only get up now if you’re dreaming of Jimmy or tied up?” he crawled on top of Thomas and began to chew roughly at his earlobe. “I’m sure I could run and get a riding crop from the stables…”

The under-butler gave in and began to stroke the other’s erection. “You couldn’t do any running in your state even if you wanted to.” he growled back and began giving rough pulls to the other’s cock until he was whimpering lewdly against his ear.

-

The next day despite having been thoroughly satisfied the night before, young Thomas went after Jimmy with renewed vigour.

 _The vitality of youth_ … the under-butler thought to himself incredulously as he watched himself getting a piano lesson from Jimmy, their hands all over eachother.

 _Young me’s hands are still intact_ … his thought bitterly … _makes sense not wanting to get felt up by someone with a gimpy leather clad one I suppose_ …

He sighed aloud but no one noticed.

Jimmy was enjoying himself. He liked young Thomas’s company a lot. Because he was the same as older Thomas in he was a snarky piece of work but clever and intelligent but he wasn’t so scared and Jimmy found that refreshing after all the time spent with a Thomas that he desperately wanted nothing more than to be close with but who kept shying away from him like a timid animal. He thought  _If I’m going to be with Thomas I should be with young Thomas. I haven’t had a chance to mess it up with him yet so it’s perfect. It’s perfect that he’s here. I have a second chance._ But a very small, nagging, part of him knew A) how selfish that was and B) that this Thomas wasn’t really  _his_  Thomas.

_Still, there’s no harm in flirting with young Thomas. He and my Thomas are always sniping with eachother. Maybe if he could just see from an outside perspective that I’m interested in him then he’ll wise up and come take what’s his._

That was Jimmy’s thoughts on the matter and he saw no flaws in them.  He’d either decide to stay with the fake Thomas ( _I guess if I’m thinking of being with him I should probably stop thinking of him as fake Thomas_ … Jimmy mused) or he’d just flirt with him until real Thomas came to his senses.

Jimmy laughed as young Thomas hit the wrong not again on the piano and shook his head.

“No, you idiot, it’s D there.” Jimmy played the notes as they should be, “…see?” Thomas was sitting squeezed next to him on the piano bench and as he turned his head Jimmy could feel his face so close it took his breath away. His dark eyelashes looked so long up close and he could smell his aftershave. Jimmy must’ve been staring because Thomas suddenly looked very pleased with himself and placed his hand directly ontop of Jimmy’s. Their fingers had been brushing all throughout the little lesson but this was the boldest Thomas had been so far and Jimmy could feel his face flush.

“You have such talent, Jimmy…” Thomas said, looking deep into his eyes.

There was a cough from behind them and Jimmy pulled his hand away so fast that it hit a bunch of the keys on the piano quite violently. He swung around to see Thomas watching them.

 _God, it’s not what you think. I was just-!_  were his first thoughts but then he remembered his plan and thought  _Oh, good. I hope you were watching. You were content to play the knight in shining armour when you took a beating for me. Come sock Thomas around the head for touching me now and sweep me into your arms…Silly git._

But nothing happened. All three of them were silent.

Then as if announcing it to no one in particular the under-butler said “I’m going for a smoke…” and left the room.

Jimmy knew his face probably wasn’t hiding the dissapointment he was feeling. Young Thomas didn’t  have a chance to register it because he also stood up from the piano.

“I’m dying for a fag as well.” he said and left but not before trailing his fingertips along Jimmy’s shoulder as he walked away.

Young Thomas walked out to the empty area outside the kitchens where Thomas was standing, not smoking but shifting in a sort of irritated, fidgeting form of pacing. When he saw young Thomas he looked up around them once and then said firmly:

“Leave Jimmy alone.”

Younger Thomas scoffed at him. “My, the power of being under-butler really must have gone to your head if you think you can control who your staff talk to as well. Haven’t you ever heard of free speech?”

“He’s not interested.” the under-butler hissed at him.

“…in  ** _you_**.”

“Are you  ** _dim_**? We’re the same person!” Thomas practically shouted back at his younger self, incredulous.

A flicker of rage passed across the younger’s face and he ground out in a hiss “I keep telling you we’re not the same. Do I really have to remind you of that again?” He took a step closer to the older man. “I would’ve thought you’d still be sore from last time.”

“Don’t push your luck. You can be sure you won’t get the better of me a second time.” the older Thomas warned, not backing down.

A smug smile tugged at the corners of younger Thomas’s lips before he grabbed the older man by the lapels and pulled him into a rough kiss. The under-butler Thomas quickly pushed him away.

“What are you doing?!” he whispered, his eyes going wild looking around to see if there were any witnesses.

“Who cares? They all know what we’re like no thanks to your stupidity.” the footman scoffed.

“Right and if they think we’re disgusting already imagine them seeing us with eachother. If that’s not to be considered a sin against God I don’t bloody know what is.”

Young Thomas frowned and crossed his arms over his chest looking like a petulant child.

“Oh, so what…” he muttered but clearly he hadn’t thought of it that way.

 _I was such an idiot back then_  Thomas thought to himself, shaking his head in disbelief.  But he was worried. His younger self could pull him about all he wanted, he couldn’t care less about that. But if he got Jimmy involved in his recklessness he’d never forgive himself. Somehow that had to be stopped.

“You like Jimmy then…” he finally said slowly, the cogs in his brain turning as he tried to formulate a way of putting Thomas off Jimmy.

Thomas shrugged, not meeting his eyes.

“He’s a nice lad...” he muttered, suddenly looking uncomfortable and embarassed.

The under-butler chuckled, taking out two cigarettes from his pocket. He handed one to himself.

“Unbelievable…” he sighed, shaking his head.

“What is?” the other asked suspiciously, lighting his cigarette. Thomas leaned in close to him, lighting his own cigarette on the end of the other’s.

“Oh, nothing. Just that you were accusing me of ruining your life but here you are, leading yourself down the road to ruin all over again even knowing what I didn’t.” He stood back, smiling and shaking his head. “You may or may not be the handsome one but you’re  _definitely_   **not**  the smart one.”

The footman’s cheeks actually went red as he glared at him.

“I… It’s not like that. I don’t like him the same way you do.” he spat out defensively, “I just think he’s not bad to look at. But that’s it.”

The under butler laughed and raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, please. It’s written all over your bloody face everytime you’re in the same room with him. You’re worse than Ivy you are. It’s torture for me to have to watch you.” He watched as the blush on his young self’s face spread to his ears and neck and he looked down at his feet.

“You’re wrong. I couldn’t care less about Jimmy…” he finally said through gritted teeth and took another drag off his cigarette.

They both went back inside. They walked through the kitchen where Jimmy and Alfred were laughing with Daisy and Ivy. Jimmy looked up at once and smiled winningly at them.   
“Here comes double trouble” he teased.

The under-butler smiled back but young Thomas acted as if he hadn’t heard and walked straight by.

Thomas was almost embarassed at how easily manipulated he was. _I really wasn’t very smart, was I? No wonder I kept getting taken advantage of…_

The next day young Thomas didn’t sit next to Jimmy at breakfast even though he had been doing so since he came. He didn’t speak to Jimmy until Jimmy asked him to play cards to which he gave him a nasty look and said “Why would I want to?” and stalked off.

But this time it was Jimmy’s turn to read the signs wrong. He barely noticed that young Thomas was ignoring him. He was too fixated on trying to gauge older Thomas’s reactions when he made his attempts to flirt with the younger man. Is he looking? Did he see me just ask Thomas to play cards with me? Why aren’t you getting mad, you ninny?! I just asked him to play cards with me! That’s what you’re supposed to do with me!

He also resolved that he wasn’t going to give up just because young Thomas hadn’t seemed to be in the mood to flirt that day and older Thomas didn’t yet seem to be overcome with jealousy.

That night he woke up after Alfred had gone to sleep and in the darkness under his blankets began to stretch himself with his fingers again, arching his back up against the hard little bed as he panted and bit down on his lip to keep from crying out. He’d been at it everynight and could now squeeze three fingers at once in to the hilt with only his saliva as lubrication. Even as he bit down on his fist, Thomas’s name was on his lips. But which one’s? It seemed now they were both giving him the cold shoulder- atleast that day they had been. For older Thomas that was normal. He would have days where he was friendly to Jimmy and almost comfortable around him and then the next day would go completely the opposite and wouldn’t even meet Jimmy’s eyes. Like he’d thought better of it. Jimmy could understand that. It had taken him so long to feel comfortable enough with his feelings for Thomas to even offer him friendship. But now it seemed younger Thomas wanted nothing to do with him either and he didn’t have the same motivations to be wary of Jimmy.  _Maybe I did something to anger him._  An image of young Thomas on top of him, twisting his fingers through his hair and biting down on his lips roughly flashed through his mind and it felt like electricity rippling through his abdomen.

He was a little worried about that. A little roughness he could manage but…

 ** _My_** _Thomas would never be rough with me. Then again he’d probably never touch me at all or barely._  He imagined the under-butler gently brushing his lips against Jimmy’s thighs. He thought of tentatively licking the head of Jimmy’s cock and looking up at him from between Jimmy’s legs with that besotted but self-doubting expression he got so often.

Ugh can’t I just have them both?

He twisted his fingers inside of himself a last time, staining the sheets with his release.

 _Well_ … he thought, still in a haze as he lay spent and exhausted against the bed. ….  _Maybe I can have them both._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was appropriate for s1 Thomas to be more interested in progressing the Thomas/Thomas love affair than s3 Thomas because s1 Thomas is more self absorbed? That was my thinking behind it at least. Also I’m sorry if Jimmy’s thought processes seem really incoherent. I tried? But I felt like my feelings might not have come across right. Then again I think Jimmy isn’t even sure what he’s feeling so maybe that’s ok. Yeah that’s a good excuse! Also I'm sorry that both of these chapters ended with Jimmy masturbating and having an epiphany. Also Also oh god the real smut is coming soon I promise I just hope it lives up to everyone's expectations??


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Thomas and Thomas fight over Jimmy's penis. That's it. That's actually the plot.....)

The next week the whole family went to stay at their London home and things became more relaxed downstairs (much to Carson’s chagrin).

Jimmy noticed that younger Thomas was definitely angry at him for some reason.  He didn’t look him in the eye for any reason. When Jimmy tried to speak with him his replies were curt and when in the prescence of others, rude even. Jimmy thought it should’ve upset him but it didn’t. In a way it was a relief. When _his_ Thomas had nearly lost his job because of him, he’d been only sad. Jimmy at that time had tried desperately to avoid Thomas after he’d kissed him but what glimpses of him he saw at meals and in the hallways he could see how terribly miserable he’d made him. During the time after his promotion he’d been callous to Thomas and ignored him, made a point of showing his distaste for the man at any opportunity when others were around. All through that time Thomas had never had a bad thing to say about Jimmy- had looked out for him even. He’d never once seen Thomas angry at him. And now that he was (even if it wasn’t the same Thomas) he was relieved. He’d so wished on many occasiosn that Thomas would just get mad at him. That he’d show some emotion to Jimmy after all he’d done to him other than devotion and love and sadness which all hurt Jimmy immensely and made him feel so guilty he thought it would destroy him.

Jimmy imagined the reason for young Thomas’s new found anger was because he’d been told by older Thomas what Jimmy had done to them. _Well, good. You should be angry. You have every right to be. At the very least one of you should be._

Older Thomas had obviously noticed the change in young Thomas’s behavior as well and was close to congratulating himself about it but now it seemed young Thomas was getting to be meaner and nastier to Jimmy with every day and he didn’t approve of _that_. The under-butler thought to himself that young Thomas really was different from him. He didn’t think he could’ve ever been mean to Jimmy even if his life depended on it. And he’d tried. Several months after the whole incident where he’d kissed Jimmy he’d started to become frustrated and tried to will himself to hate Jimmy. It hadn’t worked. Not even a little bit. The more he tried to supress his feelings for Jimmy the more painful they grew. He tried to be angry at Jimmy ignoring him but he couldn’t be. _He has every right to ignore you and be disgusted with you. If Jimmy wasn’t such a kind person you’d probably be in jail by now anyway._ He’d thought. He wondered if it had been his young self who’d been nearly put out of a job by Jimmy if he would’ve reacted differently. Young Thomas who hadn’t the experience of war to put things like getting usurped in a job put in perspective, who hadn’t had petty work rivalries made trivial everyday for two years by the sights and sounds of the trenches. When you’d had to tourniquet a man’s missing arm while he begged you to just shoot him instead or spent whole nights awake and trembling because the sounds of bombs dropping made sleep impossible, you came back not caring just quite as much about who stabbed you in the back or insulted your pride. Young Thomas might have been furious at Jimmy’s reaction and retaliated. _I’m glad I didn’t try to get back at Jimmy. I’m glad I’m wise enough now that I can see the good in him even if I might not have been able to years ago. Because Jimmy is good. Not all the time. Actually he’s quite vain and he does as little work as he can get away with. And he can be quite a troublemaker._ Thomas smiled to himself just thinking about him. _But he’s perfect to me. And he’s not a bad person._

On Wednesday, Carson announced something possibly more extraordinary than two Thomases- that he was leaving Downton for most of the next day for an outing. The servants were all buzzing about what could possibly make Carson take a day off but Jimmy couldn’t care less. What he saw was an opportunity to make his move.

So the next day in the morning he woke up very early and found Mrs.Hughes who was always awake before anyone else and told her that himself and both Mr.Barrows were feeling sick and couldn’t work.

“That’s quite alright, James.” she said though she looked skeptical, “I’m sure you won’t be the first of them to call in sick today. With Mr.Carson gone and with him leaving no schedule for what you should do, I suppose you all have a day off anyway.” She smiled at him kindly, “Well enjoy yourself all the same.” and then as if remembering herself she corrected, “I mean- _get better soon_.” and gave him a conspiratorial wink.

Jimmy walked back to the attics with renewed affection for the head housekeeper and knocked on Thomas’s door.

“Come in.” he heard from dual voices at once and he opened the door.

Younger Thomas was standing by the dresser, putting on his tie and the under-butler was sitting on the edge of his bed fully dressed. The latter looked up in surprise as he came in.

“Good morning, Jimmy. Did you need something?” the under-butler asked, a small and hopeful smile flicking across his lips.

Jimmy closed the door behind him, stood awkwardly for a moment, licking his lips, then also locked the door. This action prompted even young Thomas to look up.

Jimmy ran his hands palms nervously down the front of his trousers, his fingers practically trembling. He couldn’t look anywhere but the floor.

“I’ve told Mrs.Hughes that all three of us are too sick to come down this morning.” he announced.

Simultaneously, talking over eachother, Thomas the under-butler asked “Why would you do that?” and Thomas the footman said excitedly “Good work, Jimmy! I’ll sneak into town then!” giving Jimmy the first smile he’d given him in the last week but quickly changed his expression, looking away, embarassed at having forgetting to be angry at Jimmy.

“Because I… have something to tell you. No, something I want to… do… with you…” Jimmy started nervously. Then he took a deep breath and looked up from the floor.

“I… I want to have sex with you.” Jimmy said, cheeks turning red.

Both Thomas’s looked up in surprise and said simultaneously, “Who?”

Jimmy swallowed, looked down at his feet, and then bravely back up at them, “Both of you.”

Dead silence. And then the Thomas’s started exchanging looks. First it was just one of surprise- they looked briefly at eachother then back to Jimmy but then back at eachother. Then a ‘well what are we going to do about this then?’ from older Thomas and a return of ‘how should I bloody know he’s YOUR friend NOT mine’ from younger Thomas.

“J… Jimmy. Are you sure about this…? I mean… Have you ever… even had sex with _one_ man?” older Thomas stuttered out. Younger Thomas snapped a disapproving look at him. _This is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for, you bloody fool, and you’re not going to take it?_

Jimmy frowned, shifting uncomfortably. “Well…No. But… I’ve been…” his blush deepened, “I’ve been…. getting myself ready the last few days… Every night…. with… with my fingers.”

The under-butler’s face turned red- surprisingly since it certainly felt like all of the blood in his body had gone straight to his cock.

Thomas the footman’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline in an expression of being shocked, aroused, and impressed all at once. Then he gave one final look between the other two men before undoing his bowtie and starting to unbutton his vest.

“What are you doing?!” the other Thomas grabbed him by the arm.

“And here I thought you couldn’t deny him anything” Thomas said spitefully, continuing to undress and shaking him off.

Jimmy took a step closer to them and put his hand on the under-butler’s arm. Thomas practically jumped out of his skin at the touch.

“It’s okay…” he said soothingly, “I want this. I’ve thought about it.”

The other man looked him in the eyes. Then he sighed and pulled his braces down from his shoulders. Jimmy’s heart nearly lept into his throat. It was really happening.

“Are you going to undress or do we have to do it for you?” the younger Thomas snapped, “Men have to take their clothes off when they’re having sex with eachother too. Or didn’t you know.”

Jimmy shot a glare at him and was disarmed by seeing he was already in his underwear. “I know how men have sex.” he muttered, blushing again.

“Do you?” Thomas hadn’t failed to notice how Jimmy’s eyes had flickered up and down his practically naked form and he took 3 steps closer to the boy until he was practically pressed against him. “Think about it a lot?”

And his hand pressed roughly against Jimmy’s crotch, rubbing the hardness there.

Thomas grabbed his younger self by the shoulder, swinging him around and away from Jimmy.

“Stop that.” he ground out between his teeth.

“You’re a queer one.” he sneered, “Just a few days ago you were telling me to not be so friendly with him. Now I’m supposed to fuck him but apparently I can’t touch him or speak to him?”

The elder looked like he was about to punch him in the face.

“You know what I mean. _Be. Nice_.”

Thomas scoffed. “Why should I? **You’re** the one who’s pining over him **not** me.”

“Do you really dislike me so much?” Jimmy piped up and the two Thomas’s turned and were met by a beautiful sight. While they’d been arguing Jimmy had undressed completely and was standing before them, perfectly toned and slender, his cock fully erect. A small, uncetain smirk on his face. He was embarassed. And scared. But he wasn’t going to let that stop him.

All the anger in the other men’s faces had been replaced with pure, open-mouthed desire. That helped put Jimmy at ease a bit and his smirk became more genuine. _They’re practically drooling._

Young Thomas cleared his throat and turned to his older self. “Looks like he knows what he’s about.”

Jimmy ignored young Thomas and instead went up to the under-butler Thomas whose jaw was still hanging open and who looked like he was being hypnotized by the sight of Jimmy’s cock. He began to unbutton his shirt for him and as he did he pressed his lips to the side of his mouth.

“I want this… It’s fine…” he repeated in a whisper, resting his forehead against his.

He soon felt the other Thomas’s arms wrap around his waist from behind and felt kisses being trailed along his neck and shoulders. He thought the sensation of skin on skin and then Thomas’s lips would kill him and for a second he almost forgot how to breathe.

He controlled himself and continued unbuttoning Thomas’s shirt and then began pulling off his braces.

“Don’t throw those too far away.” young Thomas said, “We might use them later.” he threw a malicious grin at the under-butler.

Jimmy’s brows furrowed and he asked stupidly “for what?”

Thomas chuckled against his neck, “Oh there’s many wonders we can show you, young Mr.Kent.”

Older Thomas practically rolled his eyes.

“Never mind him, Jimmy.”

It was hard to do because he could feel young Thomas’s erection pressing against his backside but he nodded briefly and gave older Thomas another chaste kiss on the mouth. It seemed to please him. It had been a long time since he’d seen Thomas- **_his_** Thomas atleast- so happy. It reminded him of the look on his face when he’d said he wanted them to be friends. _You really love me, don’t you?_ he thought and his heart swelled.

Jimmy took his wrist and guided it to between his own legs.

“Touch me here, Thomas.” he said looking into his eyes. “I want you to.”

Unlike the younger Thomas who was bold as anything, older Thomas was nervous and hesitant. His fingertips barely ghosted across Jimmy’s length slowly. Jimmy groaned. The touch hadn’t meant to be teasing but it was and he needed more.

“Don’t be so bloody timid.” young Thomas growled and grabbed the older Thomas’s hand, pressing it firmly against Jimmy’s erection and then the weight of both their hands was suddenly rubbing across Jimmy’s length and he gasped loudly.

The positive reaction seemed to flick a switch in the under-butler and suddenly his mouth was pressed against Jimmy’s in an open mouthed messy kiss much different from the ones Jimmy had been giving him earlier.

“Oh, Jimmy…” he moaned quietly against him as he pulled away for a breath before kissing him again. His voice sounded so desperate. Jimmy reached infront of him, could feel the man’s pants tented and quickly unzipped them, freeing his arousal, and pulling them down. He took Thomas’s cock in his hand without even thinking about it. He was hard and leaking. Jimmy made a loose fist around him and began to move it up and down his length while he was kissed by both Thomases, sandwiched between them. He could feel their chests pressed against his and even their heartbeats. The heartbeat of young Thomas pressed against his back and the heartbeat of the older Thomas pressed against his own chest.

_This is heaven. This is what heaven feels like._

He felt dizzy. Very dizzy actually.

“Can we… can we lie down….?” he managed to ask between the kisses on the mouth he was receiving from the under-butler who immediately pulled away, releasing his hand from Jimmy’s erection which made Jimmy want to cry out in dissapointment at the loss of contact.

“Course we can.” he said, his voice breathy and nervous as he sat down carefully on the edge of the bed.

Younger Thomas had been getting lost in the taste of Jimmy’s skin. _He’s so warm and smooth and golden_ … Without thinking about it the kisses he laid across his shoulders and neck had become gentle and tender when that hadn’t been his original intention when he’d undressed. _Little bastard rats on us to Carson, threatens to rat on us to the police over one little kiss and now turns out he’s the perverted one. Well if he wants to get fucked by the two of us then he will be but I’ve no mind to be gentle about it._ That had been his original thought. But he had soon become intoxicated with everything about Jimmy to the point of not having a single worthwhile thought in his mind. The way his perfect hair looked from the back and the dimples above his arse cheeks and the way he smelled…

Even after Jimmy had asked to lie down, Thomas had barely heard him. What had snapped him out of his veritable high was the sound of his own voice. More and more it had been starting to annoy him. The sound of his own voice when he was talking to Jimmy. It sounded so bloody pathetic. And when he looked up there he was, his own image perched on the bed patiently with his cock so hard it was leaking, and with an expression that turned his stomach. His face got so doe-eyed and expressive in Jimmy’s prescence. You could read him like a book. And Thomas hated that. He hated that because of his older self’s infatuation, everyone could see what **_he_** was like too.

Jimmy moved towards the bed but Thomas grip on his cock tightened, holding him back.

“Why does he get to decide what we do? There’s two of us and only one of him.” Thomas said, adressing the other Thomas only, as if Jimmy was deaf.

He began kissing Jimmy’s neck again but this time made sure the kisses were rough and that his teeth scraped along his skin.

“Maybe I want to have him pressed up against the wall instead.”

He was expecting Thomas to get angry again and jump up to defend his precious Jimmy but he didn’t and he said calmly, “Maybe later.”

Young Thomas almost laughed aloud at the unexpected response and wished he could see Kent’s face.

“Suit yourself.” he said, letting go of Jimmy and giving him a slight push towards the bed.

Jimmy tripped on the rug and fell ontop of older Thomas, knocking him flat onto the bed. Thomas let out a scandalized little high pitched gasp as Jimmy’s erection rubbed against his accidentally and turned red in the face but Jimmy laughed and kissed him again.

“This is right… This feels… so right, Thomas.” he said, kissing him again and then again and letting his hips grind against Thomas’s as he shifted his position.

Thomas never could’ve imagined he’d feel so happy in his life as having Jimmy naked against him and smiling and saying his name _. He wants me._

It was a little heartbreaking really when Jimmy pulled away from him and took his younger self by the wrist, pulling him towards the bed as well.

_He wants both of us._

Thomas still wasn’t sure how to feel about any of this. It was ironic. He’d forced himself to give up any hopes that Jimmy would ever want to be with him in a capacity as anything other than friends the last years. He knew he wouldn’t stop loving Jimmy but he’d resigned himself to living a life of Jimmy-abstinence where he’d pine over Jimmy silently as his platonic friend for the rest of his life. Sort of like when women did something terrible and in their guilt went and decided to become nuns? It was like that. Thomas thought he’d done enough bad things in his life so if that was his punishment then so be it (though _any_ time spent with Jimmy could never actually be considered punishment). But then young Thomas had come along and that hadn’t exactly been a betrayal of his feelings toward Jimmy because it had just been himself. Having sex with young Thomas was like a very extreme form of masturbation. He couldn’t see himself having sex with any other men though. Not when Jimmy was always in his thoughts. He just wouldn’t be able to do it. Depressing as it had been he’d realized that if Jimmy never loved him back he might spend the rest of his life sleeping in an empty bed.

So it was ironic that now he was starting to feel concerned that Jimmy was being **too** sexually adventurous with him. It was not at all how he’d imagined a first time with Jimmy Kent would go (and he’d spent a lot of time imagining possible scenarios). He wanted to take it slow with Jimmy. First Jimmy would confess that he loved him. Then they would only kiss. And then only later they would make love and it would be gentle and slow and beautiful. He certainly hadn’t imagined there to be a second Thomas involved. He’d had sex with two men at the same time once but it hadn’t been particularly pleasant (for him. the other men certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves) and it definitely hadn’t been his first time.

Aside from his own jealousy that he had to _share_ his first time with Jimmy, he was terrified that it would be too rough, too much, and it would put Jimmy off the idea of sex with another man forever. Especially since Thomas was being such a brute to him. He’d made an error of judgement to try and goad him into leaving Jimmy alone- it had backfired in a big way. _As my plans usually do._

But he didn’t want to ask Jimmy for it to be just a one-on-one experience either. He knew that would be the right thing to do but he was too scared. He was scared that if he asked that Jimmy would say “You’re right. Then you leave and younger Thomas and I will stay.” He’d seen how the two of them got on. Jimmy seemed more at ease with younger Thomas. _Of course he would be- they are closer in age._ But besides that he _was_ different from how he’d been back then. He thought maybe he’d improved upon himself since his old days of immaturity and vain scheming. But maybe Jimmy preferred him that way. It left him feeling insecure. _I’m sure I was more handsome when I was younger. I think I’ve put weight on since then. Should I start doing my hair that way again? Does Jimmy like it better like that?_ Mad thoughts like those went flying across his mind everytime he’d seen the two of them flirting with eachother.

So he didn’t object out loud when younger Thomas crawled onto the bed with them and began to kiss Jimmy passionately on the mouth.

Jimmy sat with his back facing the left wall and his legs dangling off the side of the bed while younger Thomas perched inbetween his thighs, kissing him and sliding his hand up and down his cock.

“Jimmy, you taste so good…” the footman groaned against his mouth and opened his eyes, flicking his gaze over to the under-butler who’d been abandoned on the other side of the bed. He saw him smirk around Jimmy’s lips. At that moment all Thomas wanted to do was punch the smugness right off his younger self’s face. _You don’t deserve him_ he thought. _Neither of us do. But especially not you_. Though he knew they were wrong he felt his thoughts spiraling out of control in his anger, becoming more selfish and he couldn’t stop himself from screaming in his head _You haven’t even earned the right of passage to touch him! It wasn’t you who nearly lost your job for his sake or spent two bloody years suffering in silence! You didn’t get beat to a pulp for him when he was too drunk to handle himself! You can’t just waltz in and take him!_

He took a deep breath, unclenching the fists his hands had made unconsciously. _These things can be managed. But not by losing your temper._ His own advice to Jimmy rang true and he only gave Thomas a light shove off of Jimmy.

He smiled at Jimmy sweetly. He looked him in the eyes. His anger at Thomas was fuel. Fuel that burned away his fear and his doubt. It wasn’t just about making Jimmy comfortable anymore. It was also about winning. He had to win Jimmy. _No more timid touches and worrying about if this is really happening. I’m turning the charm on. And sod Thomas version two._

“Jimmy… let me do something for you.” he said calmly nudging the younger Thomas out of his way and getting down on his knees on the floor. He ran one hand along Jimmy’s inner thigh- the hand with the glove. And slowly pushed his legs open further so he could move closer to him. He bent his head low and slowly ran the flat of his tongue against Jimmy’s scrotum. He heard the boy release a high pitched whimper and the muscles in his thigh clenched under his hand. He moved his mouth higher along his shaft, licking and sucking every inch with slow care until he was at the head of his cock. He let the tip of his tongue run across the slit before wrapping his mouth around it and going down, taking Jimmy’s cock into his throat to the hilt.

Jimmy was gasping as Thomas drew his cock all the way from his mouth again, sucking hard and letting his tongue stroke across it as he pulled back.

But then as soon as it was from his lips he was being jostled by young Thomas who was fighting for space between Jimmy’s legs as well.

“Let me too!” the younger bit out sounding like a petulant five year old.

Older Thomas practically rolled his eyes.

“We can’t both do this, you dolt.” he sneered.

Young Thomas only smiled back at him “Why not?” he leaned his head down, taking Jimmy’s ballsack in his mouth and making loud, exaggerated sounds of appreciation as he sucked on them greedily making Jimmy throw his head back and curl his hands into fists against the sheets. Older Thomas sighed in irritation and began to slide Jimmy’s shaft down his throat again as his younger self took care of his balls.

Jimmy thought he was going to die. Or maybe he already had and gone to heaven like he’d thought. He’d only received oral sex once and it had been from a prostitute during the war. Some of his friends in his battalion had goaded him into it. It hadn’t been very pleasurable. It had taken her ages to even coax him into an erection. She’d left lipstick all over his thighs. And the whole time he’d been worried about catching something from her. This was nothing like that. He couldn’t even think about anything with both of their mouths so hot and so all encompassing on the most sensitive part of his body. This was unholy bliss.

“I’m…. Nnngh…” he grit his teeth, “I’m close… God, I’m so close…” he bit out between gasps. Older Thomas began to dip his head down faster and sucked harder as if drawing out Jimmy’s orgasm with the muscles of his throat and mouth. But young Thomas drew back and gave his older self a pinch on the arm.

“Oi- it’s not fair- we have to share!” he protested.

Jimmy could feel the elder’s groan of irritation muffled against his cock as he drew out.

“Fine.” he said breathlessly and moved over to make room for his younger self.

Jimmy forced himself to keep his eyes open though they kept fluttering closed from the pleasure he was feeling. But this was a sight he couldn’t miss for the world. Two Thomases each running their tongues up and down his length, sometimes their tongues touching eachother and mingling together. He felt pre-cum trickling down his length and young Thomas quickly caught it with his tongue while the older Thomas closed his mouth around the head of Jimmy’s cock, swirling his tongue around it once before kissing the slit once.

“I can’t… I’m…” Jimmy moaned desperately, his chest shaking from the effort of containing himself. At his words the Thomases exchanged a quick glance before both pressing their mouths simultaneously to the crown of Jimmy’s penis, knocking heads with eachother lightly and seeing them veritably fighting over him and their lips against him at the same time-

Jimmy released hot and white streaks of cum onto both of their faces, his hips jerking slightly as he did. He collapsed back onto the bed, his whole body trembling for an instant at the aftershock of his monumental orgasm. The best he’d ever experienced. He forced himself to sit back up and just in time to see older Thomas slowly running his hand across his face, wiping away the semen and then licking it off his palm in one smooth stroke. He looked up at Jimmy, his eyes dark with lust.

Younger Thomas had other ideas and hopped onto the bed, knocking Jimmy back onto his back with his body as he lay on top of him.

He smiled almost affectionately down at Jimmy and tilted his chin up towards him with his fingertip.

“Jimmy, you’ve gone and made a mess of me.” he chided playfully, “Clean me up, won’t you…?”

Jimmy swallowed and then hesitantly raised his face to Thomas’s, running his tongue along his cheek where a pearly string of cum had been left and swallowing it. It was the most erotic thing he’d ever done. Jimmy had never imagined sex could be this dirty but also so exciting. _Because you’d never thought of doing it with men before, you stubborn ninny_ his brain reminded him.  The next lick across Thomas’s chin he let the warm substance linger on his tongue a moment, savoring the sharp taste of his own release before swallowing. There was still white on Thomas’s mouth and he opened his own mouth over the other man’s, sucking on his lips until when he pulled away they were red and swollen.

Young Thomas smiled at him like a predator and ground his hips against him.

“Now we’ve scratched your back. Time for you to scratch ours.” he smirked.

 _You like me better,_ young Thomas thought _I know you do. You laugh more easily around me and you let me flirt with you. You would’ve let **me** kiss you in your sleep. _

“And you can start with me.” he breathed, guiding his hand down Jimmy’s back and letting his fingers curl against the cleft of his ass.

“No.” Older Thomas said, standing up and looking down at them. He grabbed Thomas by the shoulder, pulling him off Jimmy. “You don’t get to go first.”

Younger Thomas laughed incredulously, “What? Do you really think you get a _seniority privilege_? I’m the one who made him cum.”

Older Thomas’s mouth dropped in offense. “ _You_ did?! Hardly! I’m the one who started that!”

“You might’ve started it but I finished it.” young Thomas growled.

“Wait-“ Jimmy put his hands up between them, he was still breathing a little hard. “I think I have a solution.”


	4. Chapter 4

Thomas didn’t like not being able to see Jimmy’s face. He was jealous that his younger self got the better view. But on the other hand he couldn’t really be upset about it. He had the privilege of being the first man to ever be inside of Jimmy.

“ ** _GOD_** , yes, Mr.Barrow… nngh…”

…and he could also hear him so it really wasn’t all that bad.

The solution that Jimmy had thought of (he was shocking him more and more with his… ah… _creativity_ ) so that they could all particpate equally was to put himself between the two Thomases.

The under butler was taking Jimmy from behind, kissing his neck fervently and digging his fingernails into the boy’s hips. Despite what he’d said about practicing on himself, Jimmy was painfully tight and Thomas after minutes was just barely able to slide in and out of him. But the pressure… was incredible. He groaned against Jimmy’s shoulder as he slowly drew his hips back, panting, and then began to move forward into him again.

“Jimmy… could you hurry up?…I’d like to cum while we’re still young” the younger Thomas snapped through his teeth, lying on his back with his knees bent and legs to the side as Jimmy thrust into him from above him. He’d been trying without much success not to whimper everytime Jimmy’s thighs slapped against his but somehow the bloody first-timer had managed to hit his prostate several times already since they’d started through sheer dumb luck.

Thomas on top of Jimmy on top of Thomas, a gyrating, panting, twist of bodies moving in rhythm.

Thomas the footman felt his mind going numb from the overwhelming sensations- of Jimmy’s inexpert and shallow thrusts that somehow seemed to keep rubbing just the right places and also Thomas the under-butler’s pushes _through_ Jimmy. He felt the weight of two men shoving against him with each movement. His hand was jerking quickly across his own cock and everytime Jimmy buried himself in his arse, cum would leak down his fingers and he bit down hard on his lip to keep from crying out.

Jimmy couldn’t think coherently at all. His mind was completely enraptured by the sensations of being filled up entirely from behind by Thomas and simultaneously being squeezed around his cock by the other Thomas’s heat. His palms were braced against the Thomas who was underneath him’s chest and his fingers curled unconsciously in the hair there, pulling in frustration.

“It’s… I… I’ve never felt so good…” Jimmy confessed truthfully, barely able to get the words out between the whimpers he couldn’t hold down.

He was glad he’d been using his fingers every night even if it had been embarassing at times. Because he was still so tense that each time he felt the under butler’s hips meet his backside he thought he might break. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how something that should’ve been uncomfortable was actually so incredibly wonderful. Everytime he felt like he was about to be split apart he’d bury his cock inside Thomas with abandon until the twinge of pain was reduced to only bliss.

And apparently Thomas was enjoying it as much as he was. Jimmy liked watching the fellow footman’s face change as he looked down on him. Poor Thomas. He’d been making such a valiant effort to act like he didn’t care about any of this but the choked down whimpers that escaped his lips and his beautifully flushed cheeks gave him away even if he was keeping his eyes firmly closed. He could feel the man’s heartbeat thumping violently underneath his palm.

 _He loves me_ … Jimmy thought, smiling breathlessly at the thought _Even if he was being nasty to me before, he really loves me. He can’t help himself_. He felt the older Thomas kissing his neck. _Neither of them can_ …

He moaned aloud as both Thomas’s took on a new rhythm at once ( _their timing really is impeccable- suppose being the same person really puts you in sync with eachother_ ). The Thomas behind him began to roll his hips against Jimmy’s arse in an agonizingly slow pace while the Thomas beneath him in frustation began to buck his hips up toward Jimmy’s for the first time since they’d started. His eyes were open now and he bit out in a needy whimper “Yes… C’mon…!”

His face was screwed up in desperation, his blue eyes watering.

Jimmy’s mouth opened but no sound came out as he shoved himself deep into Thomas a last time before coming again, his hands twisting against the bedsheets.

For a moment his whole mind and body went numb and his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he nearly collapsed on top of Thomas, his member losing it’s hardness inside him. He was brought back to reality by the feeling of the under butler’s hips still moving against his backside, faster now than he had been before, and a pinch on his arm from the other footman.

“Jimmy…I still haven’t… **_Please_**!…” the young Thomas was veritably begging, his cock red and leaking in his hand.

“Not so fun when you’re the one with blue balls, is it?” the older Thomas said breathlessly, sneering down at his younger self.

Jimmy was on hands and knees now, exhausted to the point of putting his entire weight on his arms, and his body shaking with every push from the Thomas still trying to get off inside of him. He pulled himself from the footman’s arse even though the man made a muffled keening noise as he did so.

“Can I… should I… use my mouth?” Jimmy asked breathlessly, wrapping his fingers around the footman’s erection.

“Oh let him suffer,” the under butler bit out as he dug his nails into Jimmy’s hips once more, every muscle in his body going tight in attempt to hold back his own inevitable release.

Jimmy smiled, moving his face over Thomas’s cock and letting out a hot puff of breath against it.

“Should I let you suffer…? You’ve been awfully mean to me lately….” Jimmy said, marveling at his ability to even get a sentence out when he was still being rammed from behind. He managed to smirk up at the footman.

Young Thomas had been both anxious and perversely excited the entire last week that his older self might try to take revenge on him but he’d been a fool to not worry about Jimmy being the vindictive one. He’d already embarassed himself enough, already said please though it was one of the things he hated to say most. He swallowed.

“Fine then don’t…” he said stubbornly, turning his head away and using his hands again to coax himself closer.

“No! I want to do it!” Jimmy cried out and grabbed his wrists, forcing them to his sides and away from his deprived cock. “But… Just…” Jimmy began running the tip of his tongue tentatively across Thomas’s erection. He never would’ve imagined in his life that there would come a time when he was not only about to put another man’s penis in his mouth but that he would actually want to. “… just… beg me first…” Jimmy couldn’t contain the smirk that crossed his features.

“Oh how the tables have turned.” the older Thomas managed to grunt out a laugh, scraping his fingers gently down Jimmy’s sides.

“I won’t.”  the dark haired footman bit out stubbornly

“Alright.” Jimmy shrugged.

“ _Please_.”

 _Well that was easy_ Jimmy thought. The footman was blushing madly and looking away. Jimmy smiled and put his mouth to his member once more. _Oh. I have no idea what I’m doing_. He remembered suddenly with anxiety. So far he’d been letting Thomas and Thomas take the lead. _Well… what would I like to be done to me?_ he thought and hesitantly ran his tongue across the tip of his penis. The reaction was instant and gratifying- Thomas’s back arched against the bed and he moaned “Oh, Jimmy…”

“I can’t… Jimmy…” the under butler behind him said quickly afterward and Jimmy began to suck with renewed energy, his fingernails digging into Thomas’s wrists as the Thomas behind him tensed and suddenly Jimmy felt an intrusive, slick, warmth in his stomach- the other’s release- and he moaned against the fellow footman’s cock, hoping the vibrations from his throat would feel good.

The older Thomas slowly pulled out and slumped backwards, holding onto the low bedframe for support as he caught his breath and wiped his arm across his forehead.  The best. Truly. _Even if it wasn’t just the two of us..._ he thought to himself wanting badly to have a cigarette to calm the nerves that all seemed to be still electrified beneath his tingling skin. He wanted to kiss Jimmy and tell him how good he’d felt, tell him he loved him…. but Jimmy was pre-occupied. His younger self was making a rare spectacle of himself, hands clenching and unclenching and his toes curling as he moaned for the blond. _He really does like him_ Thomas thought. _Even for Philip I was never this pliant. Not just from a simple blowjob._ Especially since he’d gotten off just last night. He nearly smiled to himself as a trickle of embarassingly high pitched sound escaped the other’s mouth. _That must be the sound of young love._

He stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed, completely spent his cock dangling limp between his legs as he kneeled down by the other’s face. He stroked his gloved hand through his hair. “Shhh, Carson might not be here but someone else might hear you.” They probably wouldn’t. With the family and Carson away everyone would’ve emptied the attics to go enjoy their unofficial day off. _Servant skip day_. All the same he silenced the younger’s mouth with an open mouthed kiss. The other’s lips pulled against his needily and he tightened his fingers into his hair. Such nice lips. He remembered how his younger self had been so rough with him their first night together. He’d straddled his face and nearly choked him with his cock. Now he was in a good position to get revenge but… he put his hands between his legs giving experimental tugs and strokes… _nothing. Give it another half hour maybe._

Jimmy’s tongue strokes had become languid and while he appeared to have no gag reflex (truly a gifted young man) he was inexperienced- his only technique being to force the entirety of Thomas’s length down his throat and then suck as if he were trying to swallow it whole. The effect was satisfactory all the same and Thomas began biting at the other Thomas’s lips in violent frustration against every kiss.

Finally after what had seemed to Jimmy like hours of _wondering is it supposed to take this long? Didn’t take this long for me. But it really looks like he’s enjoying it._ Thomas began to jerk his hips up into Jimmy’s lips making him sputter against him.

“Oi! You’re gonna hurt him you brute!” the older Thomas protested, pulling out of their kiss and slamming his palm down against the younger’s abdomen to keep him from bucking against Jimmy’s mouth.

The dark haired footman threw his head back against the pillows, his jaw going slack as he came down Jimmy’s throat, his whole body tensing.

Jimmy had no choice in spit or swallow as he’d been taking the other so deeply but he coughed once and the under-butler looked at him in concern.

“Jimmy, are you okay?” he asked.

“Right as rain.” Jimmy grinned at him, practically glowing with post-coital bliss, “Never felt better in my life in fact.”

Thomas smiled at him uncertainly. Now, after the heat of the moment (well more than a moment) of competitive spirit and lust, the under-butler was starting to worry again. Jimmy looked happy enough so that was good. But how could things progress from here? They couldn’t all three of them continue doing this. Well, physically they could as they’d just proven but Thomas wasn’t willing to share Jimmy and he knew his other self would feel the same.

Thomas hesitantly reached his fingertips up to Jimmy’s temple, brushing a piece of his lovely hair back that had fallen askew. He knew his own hair had fallen completely out of it’s usual neatly pomaded slick and was dangling infront of his eyes. Jimmy looked so beautiful when his hair was slightly mussed up. He looked beautiful all the time. Thomas looked at him and didn’t know what to say to him that could convey: _please pick me. Please choose to be with me and just me._ He’d thought in a moment of selfishness before that younger Thomas didn’t deserve him because he hadn’t gone through the hardships for Jimmy Kent’s sake but that wasn’t it entirely. He and Jimmy had memories together- a lot of them were bittersweet (for all memories with Jimmy had some element of sweetness to them no matter how bad things looked for him at those times). Others were all lightness- memories Thomas clutched to him whenever he thought he might cave in from loneliness. There had been times when Jimmy had first started working at Downton where they’d have a moment alone at night and just talk easily about nothing in particular but they’d been happy. Genuinely happy, Thomas thought. In those moments he hadn’t been making attempts at flirting and Jimmy hadn’t been putting up the guards he seemed to have when there were other people in the room and in those moments he’d wished more than at any other time that they could spend their lives together.

Since Jimmy had said he’d be Thomas’s friend too there’d been lots of laughter between the two of them- playing cards and making jokes about Bates behind his back. Thomas would find things in the newspaper to show Jimmy that he’d think would make him laugh and they’d read them together at breakfast and other times Jimmy would come to Thomas with an expression of supressed hilarity and whisper to him “you’re never going to believe what Alfred said last night- he’s such an idiot…”

Thomas had been ready to be happy with those moments as they were and nothing more if Jimmy truly didn’t want him. But if Jimmy chose young Thomas then he **did** want him just not **_him_**. Young Thomas had never had those moments with Jimmy. And Thomas couldn’t bear the thought of giving up on Jimmy only to be usurped by himself. Even just seeing them talking together, flirting with eachother, touching eachother, felt like a knife being twisted in his stomach. Especially because Thomas knew his own mind and he knew that his younger self would hurt Jimmy. He would. Maybe without meaning to but he would do it all the same. Probably more than once if Jimmy let him. He wasn’t ready. He was too reckless and too confused.

_I’m the one that loves you. I’m the one who knows you. Please choose me. I can’t live without you._

He tried to convey those thoughts as he took Jimmy’s hand and kissed his knuckles slowly.

Young Thomas was sitting up against the bedframe now, unable to keep the sneer of disgust from his face. The elder Thomas was making his “Jimmy face” again- the face specially reserved for Jimmy where the under butler looked like he was just barely fighting back the urge to start reciting love poems to the poor man. It made his stomach turn. He looked like an over-eager puppy dog that had been kicked too many times and was whimpering for affection. It was sickening. He sighed and shook his head, standing up from the bed and stretching.

“Lunch’ll be ready soon. Smoke?” he asked Thomas as if Jimmy wasn’t in the room with them.

The under butler looked up from kissing Jimmy’s hands ( _seriously, what is wrong with you, you bloody sap?_ ) with slight irritation.

“Go on then.” he said.

Thomas frowned. “I know you’re craving one as bad as me right now. And we’ve already skipped breakfast so you can’t skip lunch. Get up and put your clothes on.” he said as he began to do just that.

The older Thomas just smiled, never taking his lips off Jimmy for more than a few moments as he trailed kisses further down his wrist and arm.

“I don’t need a smoke and I’m not hungry. We have ‘the flu’, remember? Couldn’t possibly bring myself to get out of bed for the life of me.” he remarked drily, with only a slight curve upwards at the corner of his mouth to indicate his joke. Jimmy laughed.

Young Thomas really did want a smoke. And something to eat. But if he left then older Thomas would have the monopoly on Jimmy for the time that he was gone. And that would be an issue of surrender. So he couldn’t leave. He was half dressed in his trousers and a shirt which he left open as he opened the window and lit a cigarette. He looked outside. It was a nice day. He could hear birds chirping. Looked like it might get hot out later-

His mellow thoughts were rudely interrupted as he looked around and saw Thomas and Jimmy were now cuddling against one another, twisted up in the sheets and Jimmy was laughing at something that Thomas was whispering in his ear.

He felt resentment and jealousy curl darkly in his stomach and he took a long, deep, drag off his cigarette.

“What’s so funny then?” he exhaled in a plume of smoke.

The Thomas from the bed looked up at him smugly. “We were just saying we’ve never seen someone look so morose about missing out on Mrs.Patmore’s cooking as you. We’ll have to tell her- she’ll be flattered.”

“Tell her I missed breakfast because I was getting buggered and all.” the raven haired footman replied easily and Jimmy threw his head back in laughter making him feel a little spark in his chest.

Jimmy sat up and reached his arm out to the Thomas at the window. “Come back to bed. Or I’ll accuse you of being a bad sport and no fun at all. Surely you like me better than your cigarettes.”

Young Thomas turned and smiled. “I wouldn’t be so sure.” he leaned down and blew smoke at him to which the blond footman responded by taking his face in his hands and leaning up to kiss him.

His eyes were twinkling as he looked at Thomas.

For a moment the under butler had been really happy. It had looked for just an instant that Jimmy had chosen his company over the other Thomas’s. But alas it was not so and he was left again sitting on the bed and trying not to scowl as he watched the other two makeout. _Jimmy doesn’t care about me. He probably doesn’t even care about the other Thomas neither. He’s just a vain flirt pulling us both along_. He thought this bitterly and wished he could believe it but of course he knew it wasn’t true.

“Why don’t we all go to lunch.” he sighed in resignation, feeling as pronounced as ever the heavy weight on his chest he’d been feeling since Thomas and Jimmy had first spoken to eachother. 


	5. Chapter 5

Lunch proved to be an awkward affair. Alfred, who had of course noticed that Jimmy wasn’t in bed all morning (or atleast not his own bed) as he’d said looked like he was torn between feeling disgusted, curious, and happy for his friend. He kept trying to look at Jimmy pointedly across the table and then flick his eyes back to the two Thomas’s. Jimmy ignored him and sipped his tea, a smile still lingering on his mouth from the morning’s activities.

“You look well, James.” Mrs.Hughes commented finally, raising a skeptical eyebrow at him from the end of the table.

“I am, Mrs.Hughes” Jimmy replied brightly, a big grin spread across his face.

“Not sick anymore then?” she asked, smiling deceptively sweetly.

“It’s incredible, Mrs.Hughes. You know a few extra hours of sleep can really do wonders for a man’s body.” Jimmy said to her with a happy sigh.

Thomas restrained himself from muttering under his breath _that’s not the only thing that does wonders for the body._

 “My, well then I’m sure you won’t mind polishing the silver this afternoon since you’re in such good health.” the housekeeper said, matching his cheerful tones but with an expression that was as near to a smirk on her face as Thomas had ever seen.

Jimmy’s face fell instantly and he cleared his throat.

“Oh… Well, actually I do feel a bit of a headache still…” he stammered quickly.

“Oh, you don’t mind, Jimmy. You just _love_ polishing.” Thomas the footman said in a chipper tone, his red lips curved up in a wicked grin, “We can do it together.”

Mrs.Hughes’ eyebrows shot up at the innuendo and she opened her mouth to protest but seemed to think better of it and just shook her head. Ever since Thomas of the past had shown up it seemed like everyone had given up trying to preserve any sense of normalcy downstairs.

Jimmy also looked like he might protest and his eyes flickered imperceptibly to the under butler but that Thomas was looking down at the newspaper. So Jimmy just smiled tightly and gave a short nod.

The under butler was studying the newspaper without really reading it. He didn’t want to give either of them the satisfaction of his attention. He knew that that only seemed to egg them both on for some reason. Well, he knew what it was for his younger self. **_That_** Thomas’s interest in Jimmy, he reckoned, was atleast 40% in the spirit of competition with himself. He didn’t understand why Jimmy seemed to be most fascinated with the other footman when he was staring at them. It might’ve been that he just didn’t know that Jimmy was just as interested in that Thomas when he wasn’t around as when he was. _Or he’s just been put on this earth for the sole purpose of making me suffer_ he thought bitterly, flipping a page in the newspaper without having read a single word of the last.

Jimmy, as per the usual, was confused about his feelings. Now more than ever if possible. He was convinced that they both liked him. Jimmy had never had sex with anybody that he’d actually cared for until that morning. If he was perfectly honest, sex had always been something of a chore to him which was a reason why he rarely had it. It was one of the things he didn’t mind about being in service- a good excuse to never have the love life other people seemed to care  about so much. But he realized now that it wasn’t that he didn’t care about being in love but that no one had presented the idea of love to him in the correct fashion and about the right sort of person. Now he knew not only that he _wanted_ to be with Thomas but that he **_needed_** to be with him. It was like a craving that felt so heavy and overbearing in his thoughts, in his chest, in his entire body that he suspected he wouldn’t be free of it for the rest of his life.

He knew that Thomas felt the same way. He’d felt it. In their touches. He’d never imagined sex could be a beautiful thing. To him it had always been somewhat dirty and crude. And the sex he’d had with the Thomases might’ve been dirty and crude too… but dirty and crude and wonderful. And he’d felt their love. It was different for the two of them. _His_ Thomas, the older one, he sensed it in his gentleness- his tender kisses and the careful brush of his lips and his fingertips on Jimmy’s skin. But the younger Thomas, despite his best efforts to seem callous, had been an open book to Jimmy. While older Thomas’s love was a slow burning and patient flame, the younger’s passion was an all-consuming fire communicated through every thrust of his body and carefully constructed sneer that barely failed to conceal the fact that underneath his false brusqueness his feelings were threatening to burn him alive.

Jimmy walked into the servant’s hall which was deserted save for Thomas the younger and a table full of silver a few hours after lunch.  He wondered how Thomas had managed to get them alone. Then again Alfred wouldn’t have been hard to bribe…

Before that morning Thomas had been acting so cold to Jimmy and Jimmy still couldn’t quite figure out what the motivation for that had been, but now he looked up at him and smiled uncertainly. _He looks like how **my** Thomas looked when I knew him before he kissed me the first time_ … The thought made him anxious for some reason. He didn’t look as reserved. _Well, I suppose it’s hard to look reserved around someone whose cock you’ve had in your mouth_ … Jimmy thought as he sat down next to him at the table.

For a few minutes they polished silver in silence. Jimmy didn’t know what to say. He stole a few glances to his side and to his horror saw that Thomas was stealing glances back at him, smiling to himself then looking away, practically blushing.

 _I’m too charming for my own good_. Jimmy inwardly sighed.

_I don’t even know what I’m going to do about poor Ivy either… Suppose I should say something to her now that I know I’m not interested?_

He was thinking still on the kitchenmaid when Thomas took his face in his hands and kissed him hard on the mouth.

“mm!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening as he felt tongue slip between his lips. He pawed at the front of Thomas’s vest, pushing him off.

“What are you doing?! Someone could walk in!” Jimmy hissed angrily.

“No one’s about- Mrs.Hughes has the housemaids up fluffing pillows or some bollocks, everyone else is out enjoying their day off, Carson isn’t even on the property….” Thomas smiled and tipped Jimmy’s chin up, “Besides, I couldn’t help myself, could I?”

Jimmy slapped his hand away and shook his head.

“This is all getting too complicated for me…” he muttered in irritation more at the situation than at Thomas.

Thomas frowned and gave him a long look before taking out a cigarette and lighting it. He inhaled and let the smoke curl from his lips once before speaking carefully.

“Why? Because there’s two of us?”

“Yes. I mean- it was complicated even before that.” Jimmy saw a flicker of emotion cross Thomas’s features at his words and wondered what he’d said.

What he’d said was ‘even before that’ and the words had struck Thomas like a blow. Because it nearly confirmed the insecurity he’d had since he’d arrived- that Jimmy had been liking older Thomas for much longer than the under butler thought or atleast admitted to know out loud.

He took a very quick drag on his cigarette, thoughts in his head working together like cogs in a clock before he chose his words.

“I don’t see why that should complicate anything. Not when the other me isn’t really part of the equation.”

Jimmy sighed again, giving him as long suffering a look as he could manage. _Of course you wouldn’t like him to be. You two don’t get along for God knows what reason- it’s really very stupid…._

“He was this morning. And he remains to be.” _He’s not only part of the equation he was part of it before you ever showed up._

Then Thomas did something Jimmy thought rather strange, he gave him a pitying look and put his hand on his knee.

“Jimmy… I know what happened a few years ago. And I was in the wrong then- though I can’t imagine what could’ve compelled me to act that way it seems so out of character… But all the same… I think Thomas hasn’t really thought of you the same since then.”

Jimmy just rolled his eyes at this attempt at manipulation. “You’re a bad liar, Thomas.”

Thomas laughed once. “Oh, I think he still loved you. For a while. But I think he must’ve thought you weren’t interested. He made himself move on. That’s what he said to me at least. And I don’t see why he’d lie to me.” Thomas took a drag of his cigarette and watched uncertainty flicker across Jimmy’s face briefly. He shook his head and looked at Jimmy. He looked so sincere.

“That’s why the two of us have been fighting ever since we got here. I told him how handsome I thought you-“ he paused to laugh in embarassment, “but… he tried to warn me off. Said he was friends with you now but that I shouldn’t try to imagine you to be anything more than what you are. He said you were just a self centered tease.”

Thomas watched Jimmy’s face fall and cupped his cheek in his hand, turning his head so he could look in his eyes.

“I told him he was wrong. I _know_ he’s wrong. You’re not like that at all, Jimmy. You were just scared- and you had every right to be. And that’s why I’ve barely been able to have a civil word with him since. We have the same brain but… his life must have just turned him bitter. Too bitter to see clearly. But me…” Thomas smiled, “Jimmy, I understand. I’d never give up on you.”

Jimmy knew that Thomas was leading him on. _This man lies like a rug_ he thought to himself. But his confidence in this kept faltering and then readjusting itself with every word he spoke.

He really didn’t know why the two had been fighting. And the under butler had looked disapproving when Thomas was looking him up and down. _But he was jealous… wasn’t he?_ And they’d been friends recently but it was true that sometimes Thomas would leave his company almost abruptly like he couldn’t quite bear to be around Jimmy _. Self centered tease_. That hurt. Jimmy swallowed. Well, he had lead Thomas on when he shouldn’t have. That had been wrong. He had every excuse to make that assessment of him. _Even though it isn’t true._

He turned to look at Thomas when he felt his hand on his cheek but couldn’t keep eye contact when he said things in the under butler’s life had made him bitter. _‘Things’ being me. I was so horrible. Of course he wouldn’t be able to forget. I’ve thought that this entire time. I would’ve given up on me._

He met eyes with Thomas again. They had the same face. Well, practically.

 _I could have a new start with you. I’d never make the same mistakes and there’d never be guilt between either us for things we shouldn’t have done_ he thought as he looked into his blue eyes.

He didn’t turn away when Thomas leaned in and pressed his mouth to his. He opened his mouth to the other, let his tongue graze across his teeth and then his lips suck his own lower lip for a moment.

“Thomas. Can I have a word with you.”

Jimmy didn’t move as the other footman pulled away from him. Every part of his body seemed to shut down and he felt like he’d been dumped with ice water.  He reluctantly looked to see Thomas, the older Thomas, **_his_** Thomas, standing in the doorway.

His expression was stiff and unreadable. His tone had been clipped and professional when he spoke as if he was asking bloody Alfred to help get a guest’s luggage. He wasn’t looking at Jimmy. But Jimmy couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. He wanted to speak but couldn’t. Couldn’t move as he watched the other Thomas stand up and follow him out of the room. He sat alone with a table full of silver, feeling numb all over.

-

Thomas thought it was interesting seeing his own back leading him down the hallway and outside to where they liked to smoke. He smirked to himself, running his tongue around his own lips, savoring the taste of Jimmy’s mouth still lingering there.

“If you’re trying to intervene between us then you’re wasting your time.” he said and Thomas stopped, his back still to him. “He likes me best. You saw for yourself.”

He let his face contort into a sneer.

“The only reason he asked for both of us this morning was because you happened to still be in the room when he knocked and he felt bloody _sorry_ for you.”

The other wasn’t moving and he felt triumph swell in his chest. Until the other turned on his heel and looked him in the eye with resolution… and then reached back and punched him in the jaw.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok I'm sure you're all hating s1 Thomas right now. But let's be real, s1 Thomas was canonically very hate-able (and punch-able)! And since you all seem to like canon s1 Thomas well enough and even though he does things that are generally considered morally "wrong" all of us Thomas fans analyze his actions and deeply consider what he must be feeling to do such things so I hope that's what you'll do with this chapter too (of course you're allowed to be mad at him as well). Fellowes always seems to swing it where the average Downton watcher at least (who doesn't think about Thomas maybe as much as we do) gets really angry watching Thomas but then the next minute is made to feel sorry for him sooo who knows maybe that's a spoiler for the next chapter ehheeh.


	6. Chapter 6

Thomas watched his younger self stagger back as he rubbed his knuckles. The footman didn’t look in the least bit surprised that he’d been punched- in fact he wiped the blood off his lip and proceeded to sneer back at him.

On any other occasion Thomas wouldn’t have let it show that it bothered him. But he was well and riled now and seeing his own face just smirking back at him with a look he knew and understood because he’d made it a million times- the look that said ‘go ahead- hit me- I dare you to’- was making a dark rage curl in the pit of his stomach. He grabbed him by the lapel and punched him again. He landed his hit but when he closed the space between them young Thomas had grabbed him by his own jacket and using the momentum of the hit, fell backward, pulling them both onto the ground. In the momentary surprise of finding himself lying in the dirt suddenly, young Thomas rolled on top of him and got the upper hand, pinning his wrists down by his head.

“Satisfied? Got a few good hits in? Well, I hope it made you feel better. Because I’m taking Jimmy and there’s nothing you can do about it.” the younger said breathlessly, on all fours above him.

“You can’t **take** him. He’s a human being.” the under butler said calmly like he was trying to explain math to a three year old, “This isn’t just a stupid competition and believe it or not you’re not winning.”

He’d decided he was going to take the more mature approach since someone clearly had to and he was the most obvious candidate. He wasn’t going to give in to being baited.

“I will take him.” Thomas leaned down and kissed the side of his mouth, running his tongue along his lower lip. “I’ll **_take_** him again and again as a matter of fact. Your bedroom will be so lonely again- with me sleeping next to Jimmy every night. And you in your sad little bed wanking pathetically and calling out Jimmy’s name in your sleep like the soppy sod that you are.”

He decided he **_wasn’t_** going to take the more mature approach and he **_was_** going to give in to being baited.

He brought his leg up swiftly to the other’s crotch and this time he did see surprise in the other’s face as he groaned, immediately loosing his grip on Thomas’s wrists allowing him to sit up with such speed that he headbutted the other in the process. The younger made what would otherwise be a humorous attempt to curl into the fetal position with one hand on his crotch and the other against his forehead, groaning. The under butler grabbed him by the collar and started to shake him.

“You! Stupid! Bloody! Child!” He shouted at him, not caring who heard at this point, “It isn’t just about us! You can’t just use him just because you want to feel like someone wants you! It’s about **_Jimmy_**! If you can’t even see that then you don’t deserve him and I won’t let you have him.”

He wasn’t sure how he was going to accomplish that. But he had to. Because Jimmy was the only thing in the world that was always more important than his own interests, his own safety, his own career. And young Thomas just couldn’t see that. As long as he cared more about himself than Jimmy he’d just end up hurting him and Thomas knew that if there was one thing he wouldn’t stand for in this world it was to see Jimmy get hurt. If it meant literally punching Thomas in the middle of the servant’s hall every time he so much as looked at Jimmy then so be it.

“Stop! Bloody hell- stop it! Both of you!”

Thomas and Thomas looked up in unison to see Jimmy stumble out of the doorway to them.

The under butler, realizing Jimmy had found them literally at eachother’s throats rolling in the dirt was the first to let go and stand up, brushing himself off sheepishly. The younger stayed on the ground, looking sullen.

“Jimmy…” Thomas said, making a weak effort to try and smooth his hair back out of his eyes.

Jimmy looked between them, shaking his head incredulously “Why…?” and then he paused, realization dawning on his face quickly before looking down at his feet.

“…Are you fighting over me?” he asked quietly.

Both Thomases seemed to look away, shame faced at this. For different reasons. The older Thomas because it was embarassing to get in a fight for someone he wasn’t even in a relationship with not once but twice. The younger Thomas because he didn’t like the implication that he cared about anything enough to come to blows over it.

Jimmy swallowed, shaking his head slightly, not looking at them.

“Mr.Barrow…” he said tightly, “I’ve.. Thomas told me you two were arguing about me…. Over your… _assesment_ of me as a person.”

The under butler furrowed his brow in confusion.

“What are you talking about, Jimmy?”  

“But I don’t want you to fight about it anymore. Because you’re both right in a way.” Jimmy finally looked him in the eyes and he saw only raw hurt in them that twisted his own stomach painfully. “I was horrible to you. I’m so sorry. I know nothing I could do would probably change your opinion of me. But… I wouldn’t have-“

“Wait, Jimmy.” Thomas said, because in his confusion he was realizing that the key phrase in Jimmy’s words had been ‘Thomas told me’ and he could already feel the beginnings of anger bubbling up under his skin. “What exactly did ‘Thomas’ tell you?”

Jimmy looked taken aback for a moment at having been interrupted but then looked down at his feet.

“Only what you thought of me. That… I’m selfish and… a tease.” the words looked painful to say.

The under butler turned on his younger self who looked up at him innocently and he kicked him in the ribs. The other groaned but made no attempt at retaliation. _You know you deserved that one._

“Hey! Stop! Don’t get mad at him for telling me!” Jimmy cried out in protest, grabbing Thomas by the arm.

“I’m not getting mad at him for telling you anything that wasn’t a dirty lie.” He looked at Jimmy earnestly, putting his hand to cup his cheek then immediately taking it away, self consciously. “I… I would never say that about you.” he insisted, hoping he could convey his feelings to Jimmy through his eyes even if he didn’t touch him. “Jimmy, I love you. It might not be right for me to say but I need you to know because I never could think poorly of you. Not ever. No matter what you did. And I was the one who was wrong then- not you.”

Jimmy looked him in the eye and he knew he’d gotten through. Jimmy shot a reproachful glance at the other Thomas, before flicking his eyes back to the older. For a moment he saw Jimmy Kent totally unguarded and he saw relief and something else cross his features before he composed himself again, nodding once.

“I… thought you might.” he said, his voice sounding like he was speaking through a tight throat, “Love me, I mean.”  

At this the footman sitting on the ground stood up.

“Jimmy, I love you too.” he said and Thomas was itching to punch him again.

Now Jimmy looked nervous, eyes flicking between the two of them.

“Fuck off” the under butler hissed at his younger self through gritted teeth, his patience dwindled down to nonexistence. He turned his eyes back at Jimmy. Poor Jimmy. He was exasperated, looking between the two of them. If Jimmy loved his younger self he wasn’t sure what he would do. If he warned him it was a bad idea it would just sound like jealousy. He could see all the uncertainty in the blond’s face and it made his chest ache. He touched his wrist gently.

“You don’t have to decide anything now. Don’t… rush yourself.” he said quietly to him.

“No- you **_do_** have to decide now.” Thomas the footman cut in, and for the first time even in the midst of the fight he looked genuinely angry.

“Leave him alone-“ the under butler started but Thomas interrupted him with a surprising vehemence.

“No! He can’t just leave us both hanging!” Thomas turned to Jimmy, “It’s bloody selfish! You can’t expect us to just **_share_** you because you can’t make up your mind! We’ve got feelings too! And it’s _killing_ me to not know!”

At the last sentence the dark haired footman seemed to remember himself and in embarassment looked away, closing his mouth tightly.

The under butler felt a pang of empathy for him. Because he could see that he wasn’t lying when he said he loved Jimmy. How could he not? But he didn’t love him in the same way. He turned back to Jimmy and slowly, carefully, took his hand in his. He could see out of the corner of his eye how this gesture on his part disarmed his younger self whose mouth opened again and looked like he was ready to protest. He ignored him. His focus was on Jimmy.

“Jimmy… I’m in love with you. I’ve always beeen in love with you.” The expression on Jimmy’s face urged him on and he put his palm against his cheek, looking into his eyes. _Please choose me_ he thought desperately over and over as he spoke.

“He hasn’t even known you for more than few weeks. **I’m** the one who’s been waiting for you all this time. I’ve _loved_ you all this time. I’ll keep loving you forever.”

Jimmy swallowed, looked away, but then slowly his fingers entwined with Thomas’s and he placed his hand on top of his.

“I love you too, Thomas.” he said softly.

Thomas didn’t know what to do. He wanted to laugh or cry with relief and joy and hold Jimmy close but Jimmy took his hand away from his face and turned to the other footman. His fingers were still intertwined with his own.

“Thomas… I’m sorry.” Jimmy said to the footman.

The under butler reluctantly turned his head to see his younger self. He looked in shock. He wasn’t moving. He wondered if he was breathing. His mouth was set in a thin, straight, line but his eyes…

“I know that you’re both Thomas Barrow but… You’re not **_my_** Thomas y’see…”

The footman swallowed and spoke in a voice much shakier than the under butler imagined he’d hoped it to be. “Then… why? Why did you even bother flirting with me and… _dancing_ with me… If I wasn’t… **_your_** … Thomas.”

At this Jimmy’s grip on the under butler’s hand loosened and he looked down at his feet for a moment before bravely up again.

“I wasn’t sure at first… but I think, deep down, I always knew. Who I was really in love with. I… I was trying to make Thomas- Mr.Barrow, that is-… I was trying to make him jealous.”

There was silence in the courtyard as realization dawned on both Thomases who between the two of them hadn’t been able to figure that out.

“I was trying to make him jealous so I flirted with you.” Jimmy continued firmly, “You were right. I’ve been selfish. And I’ve teased you. It was very wrong of me. And I’m sorry.” Jimmy thought to himself bitterly that the irony was he’d thought with young Thomas he could make a new start where he didn’t hurt him. But it seemed all he knew how to do was hurt Thomas Barrow whether it be the younger or the older. “I used you.”

The raven haired footman’s hands were clenching unconsciously at his sides and he half laughed, trying to sneer at the two of them but the attempt failed as there were tears clearly visible in his eyes.

“Well I used you too- I was only flirting with you to get back at him!” he said pointing to the under butler. When he only got looks of pity from Thomas and Jimmy his façade seemed to crumble and he looked away.

“What do you mean by ‘ _my_ Thomas’ anyway? We’re both Thomas Barrow. I’m…” when he looked back at them his blue eyes were swimming with tears. “I’m just as real as he is! Don’t I fucking matter?!”

Tears began to streak his cheeks as he looked at Jimmy. “There’s only one of you! And there’s two of us! It’s not bloody fair!”

The under butler watched his younger self falling to pieces in front of them. There was something very reminiscient of a child throwing a temper tantrum about it. It was sad. A part of him wanted nothing more than to steel himself and tell him he looked pathetic. He didn’t deserve any sympathy from him even if he was himself. But Jimmy was there and for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do something so cruel in front of Jimmy. He reached out to touch Thomas’s arm but the other slapped away his hand violently.

He swiped his sleeve over his eyes once.

“Fuck you…” he muttered, “Just… Sod both of you….” and he ran out of the courtyard.

 The under butler had thought it best to not chase after him. Knowing himself better than anyone he thought he would need some time alone. When he went back to the room they shared later that afternoon, he checked the closet and noticed the other had changed out of his livery into a suit and taken a long coat with him.

He spent most of the afternoon with Jimmy. He’d told Mrs.Hughes that the silver was all polished and that he’d examined it himself when really almost none of the work had been done, and then he’d taken Jimmy for a walk on the estate (taking advantage of the family’s absence).

They’d collapsed in the grass together underneath a tree. Jimmy had kissed him tenderly for several minutes and then with no one around to see had curled up in Thomas’s arms, laying his head on his chest. They stayed in a comfortable silence watching the sun starting to go down and the shadows of the tree branches lengthen across the grass.

“I feel sorry for him…” he finally said. Thomas didn’t have to ask who. He sat up and lit a cigarette.

“There’s nothing to be done about it.” he said.

“I feel guilty.” Jimmy said. Thomas stroked his hair.

“Don’t.”

There were dark storm clouds moving towards the house. They watched them until they became dangerously close and then waked back to the house as the sun set.

As they made their way across the grounds raindrops began falling lightly. By the time they were at the servant’s entrance there was a veritable downpour around them and they had to run inside, Thomas using his jacket as an umbrella over their heads and Jimmy complaining loudly over the sound of the storm about how his hair would be ruined.

They slammed the door behind them, laughing despite the fact that they were soaked through and after stealing a glance around to check for passerbys, Thomas pressed Jimmy against the wall and stole several watery kisses from his face and neck. They reluctantly retreated to eachother’s rooms to wash up though Thomas had whispered a promise in Jimmy’s ear that one day they’d take a hot bath together.

Thomas the footman was absent from dinner. The chair where he usually sat was empty when the under butler sat down.

 _Wonder if he somehow managed to find his way back to his own time period_ … he thought to himself.

“Where’s Thomas?” Mrs.Hughes asked him.

He shrugged.

“Didn’t he say he was sick this morning? Perhaps he took to bed again.” Anna suggested.

“Didn’t look sick to me. Probably snuck out to Thirsk for dinner.” Bates commented drily.

Thomas didn’t comment but Daisy walked in a minute later to clear the dishes away and asked also- “Where’s Thomas? Is he sick?”

The under butler thought it was a somewhat surreal experience to hear everyone asking ‘where’s Thomas’ when he was right there. But it was also… heart warming. He’d never thought anyone would notice if he dissapeared one day and never came back.

He went up to the attics where the rain was drumming loudly on the roof. He got ready for bed alone. He was now used to undressing together with the other Thomas. Sometimes the other Thomas had even undressed him, jokingly saying he was the under butler’s valet. They hadn’t been arguing the whole time he’d been there. There were even nights where they’d shared a cigarette and laughed about what had happened during the day. Of course they found the same things funny. Truth be told, he was the best roommate he’d ever had.

Thomas lay down in his bed with the lamp on, staring up at the ceiling, and starting to fall asleep.  

There were halting footsteps outside his door. They were too heavy to be Jimmy’s. He jerked fully awake and sat up in bed when the door opened.

Thomas came in, his clothes entirely soaked through, shivering and tracking water through the room. He didn’t say anything. He peeled his jacket off and dropped it in the corner. When he ran his hand through his hair, water, came trickling down his back from it. Thomas watched him start to get out of the suit slowly but about halfway through he seemd to just give up and collapse into the wooden chair by the wardrobe.

Neither of them spoke for several minutes. He could see the other was pale as a sheet, his eyes red-rimmed.

Finally, the under butler stood up and walked over to him.

“C’mon. You’re dripping all over the floor.” he said quietly, unbuttoning his vest and pulling it off. He tossed it in the corner with the coat and kneeled by the other man, taking off his shoes. It was a task because the shoelaces were swollen with water and hard to pry undone. He had a feeling if he’d squeezed the socks he pulled off of him they’d have enough moisture in them to fill a cup.

“ ‘s’fine…” he heard himself mutter, pushing him away weakly to take off his own trousers and shirt then walk into the bathroom.

Thomas knew the other man had given him no reason to be kind to him. And if it was anyone else in the world (with the exception of Jimmy) he wouldn’t have forgiven him. But it was himself and he knew that in a different time, in his position he would’ve acted the same way (well, he had). So he couldn’t stay angry.

When the other finished washing up and came back in, he’d already set out his pajamas for him and a towel on his bed. Young Thomas blinked at them like he wasn’t sure how they’d got there and then slowly got dressed.

He watched his younger self search through the sopping wet coat’s pockets and pull out a still dripping pack of cigarettes. He dropped them numbly back down onto the floor and trudged back to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it and looking at the carpet.  

The under butler sighed and crossed the room, sitting on the bed next to him. He lit two cigarettes in his mouth and handed one to his young self who took it.

They smoked in total silence for awhile save for the rain pattering overhead.

“Where’ve you been all afternoon?”

“What do you care?”

“I don’t.”

The silence dragged on.

The footman took a long drag off his cigarette.

“Y’know…” he spoke, “I thought… When I first saw you I thought it would be just the two of us.” He smiled briefly- sadly.

And the under butler suddenly felt a wave of empathy for the young version of himself before him because he realized that Thomas had been jealous not just of him for getting to be with Jimmy but of _Jimmy_ for getting to be with _him_.

The footman continued speaking calmly, contemplatively, smoke curling from his lips.

“I thought it was perfect because I’d never needed anyone else but it would’ve been nice to just have _someone_ , y’know? I got too close to Philip. That was a mistake. But if it was you, I thought we’d be safe. I…” he paused, his brow furrowed, like he was trying to figure out his own thoughts as he talked, “I wanted to be all that you needed... Because I thought you were all I needed. But… You needed _him_ more than me.”

The under butler nodded slowly and let him continue.

“Jimmy….” he said it like he was experimenting with how the name tasted on his tongue. “I meant it when I said I loved him. But I bet you knew that. I bet you fell in love with him the moment you saw him too.”

The under butler didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to confirm what the other already knew.

Thomas put his cigarette out and the younger followed suit. He was about to get back in bed and go to sleep when he saw the younger’s shoulders shaking, his head bowed. It was unnerving to watch himself crying- it made him want to look away but he forced himself to stay put and cautiously placed his hand on the other man’s back in a gesture of what he hoped was comfort.

“This always happens to me,” he sobbed brokenly, “Everyone uses me- you, and Philip, and Jimmy…. They all use me up and then leave me with nothing left.”

Thomas put his arms around the younger man, rubbing his back slowly as he wept openly against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry for everything I did I just…” the other choked out but the under butler shook his head.

“Shh- s’alright.” he mumbled.  

“What if Jimmy is the only person I can ever love like that? Because he is for you so of course he is for me. And the more time goes by I’m just going to love him even more. What am I going to do?”

He could feel the man’s fingers curling needily into the front of his shirt, and his tears wet against his neck. He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against the top of his head and stroking his hair soothingly.

“I don’t know…”

The younger man pulled away, swiping his arm across his eyes. He looked down at the floor and asked quietly, “…will you atleast stay with me tonight?”

He remembered the other’s words earlier that day when they’d been wrestling eachother in the courtyard. _“Your bedroom will be so lonely again- with me sleeping next to Jimmy every night. And you in your sad little bed wanking pathetically and calling out Jimmy’s name in your sleep like the soppy sod that you are.”_ That’s what he’d said. It had made him angry because it had hit home. But of course what he hadn’t thought of at the time was that it was probably what his younger self was just as afraid of happening. _Fuck someone over before they have the chance to do the same to you._ Practically the Thomas Barrow motto.  Looking at the tear stained wreck in front of him he remembered for the first time in the last few days that despite his bravado he’d been just as insecure and scared and lonely back then.

The under butler nodded at him. He lay down on the small bed, leaving enough room for the other to lie down next to him. First the footman lay down facing him, their bodies on their sides turned to eachother. Then a stray tear escaped his eye and he seemed to abruptly become self conscious and rolled over onto his other side, his back to Thomas.

The under butler sighed, looking at the other’s back, shoulders slightly curled forward and pulled him flush against his body, draping his arm around his waist and taking his hand, twining their fingers together.

“It’s okay… We’ll think of something…” he whispered to the other, giving him a tentative kiss on the shoulder. “I’m not going to abandon you.”

The footman didn’t say anything but squeezed his hand once.

The room was quiet and the rain slowed until there was only the dripping from the gutters. The under butler started to doze off when he felt the other’s shoulders shaking again slightly under his arm. At first he thought he was crying and then he heard that he was laughing.

“What is it?”  
“I can’t believe you actually kicked me in the bollocks. You’re a nasty piece of work.”

Thomas laughed against the footman’s neck.

They fell asleep like that, snuggled close and hand in hand.

Sunlight woke the under butler the next morning and there was no one else in bed with him. _Is he gone? For good?_ He sat up quickly, looking around.

“Thomas?” he called out weakly.

“What?”

He felt an initial flood of relief when the other, already fully dressed, poked his head out from the bathroom. Then a slight sadness settled on his chest as he remembered that it was probably selfish to not want to lose the other’s company- he didn’t belong here. It would be better for everyone if he had somehow drifted back to his own time. It wasn’t long ago he’d wished he’d never come into his life at all.

Jimmy raised his eyebrows at him questioningly when Thomas and Thomas came down to breakfast at the same time.

“Good morning, Jimmy.” the under butler said with a reassuring smile. The dark haired footman sat down without a word.

Carson was back at the head of the table.

“Was your day off enjoyable, Mr.Carson?” Mrs.Hughes asked with a smile, “Didn’t get up to too much trouble, I hope?”

At this Carson flushed and looked quite taken aback.

“N-no!” he sputtered, uncharacteristically flustered. He cleared his throat. “H-however, I’m afraid I’m going to have to spend another day away soon. D-did things run smoothly while I was gone?”

“Well there wasn’t much to be done with the family gone. I’m sure we can spare you again. But two days away in such a short span of time must be a record for you.” Mrs.Hughes said in surprise.

“Yes… I … um…” Carson seemed to be trying to think of an excuse for his behavior and finding himself at a loss.

“Oh, we’ll manage just fine when you’re out, Mr.Carson. I’m sure we can find something to keep us preoccupied.” Jimmy said brightly to Carson and then smirked over his teacup at the under butler who returned the look. Thomas the footman stared into the depths of the porridge he was stirring but not eating sullenly.

The rest of the morning went slightly stricter than the day before with the return of Carson but there was still the casual feeling that pervaded the downstairs when the family was gone. After lunch Thomas the footman sat in the servant’s hall and lit a cigarette. There were a few hallboys sitting on the other side of the table from him playing cards.

He could hear his older self talking to Jimmy in the kitchen. He couldn’t hear the content of what they were saying but he heard Jimmy’s laugh and it made his chest feel tight. He took a sharp inhale off his cigarette.

There was a slight knock on the door behind him and Thomas stood up, putting his cigarette out as he did, and turned to see…

“Hello. I’m here to see Mr.Carson.”

The footman furrowed his brow at him.

“….Jimmy?” he asked cautiously. _Why aren’t you in your livery? And how did you transport from the kitchen to…_

“Uh… Are you… Mr.Carson…?” Jimmy asked, looking very doubtful of that, “I’m here about the footman job.”

Realization dawned on Thomas and his mouth dropped open rudely. Because this wasn’t _Jimmy_. It was a different Jimmy. Apparently the Jimmy who’d come to Downton however long ago looking for a job. He did his hair the same way and he wasn’t any younger looking than the Jimmy Thomas knew but this Jimmy wasn’t quite the same- Thomas felt that.

“I’m… Thomas.” he said slowly, unsure what else to do.

From the kitchen Jimmy had been talking to Thomas the under butler when suddenly his face had looked perplexed and he’d looked around.

“What is it?” Thomas asked.

“I thought… I just heard my voice…” he said, taking a step towards the servant’s hall. Thomas followed him closely. They both leaned their heads around the connecting door and he heard Jimmy gasp next to him. Thomas immediately grabbed Jimmy by the back of his collar and pulled him back.

“We shouldn’t go in there.” he warned.

“Why not?! Wasn’t that-?!… That’s…!” Jimmy whispered frantically, his eyes wide.

Thomas held Jimmy back and peered around the side of the door again. Young Thomas and young Jimmy were talking to eachother. He couldn’t hear what about.

He soon felt Jimmy’s face next to his, also looking into the room.

“That’s… me.” he whispered in awe.

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” Thomas sighed in sympathy.

“ _Insane_ more like,” Jimmy said, shaking his head in disbelief, his eyes fixed on his younger self.

They watched with the fascination of people at a zoo their younger selves interacting. They saw Thomas smile and say something probably flirtatious and take a step towards Jimmy. They watched Jimmy frown and take a step backward, his face a mixture of confusion and displeasure.

“This is embarassing. Look at me- I’m thinking right now how handsome you are and then I’m getting angry at myself for it.” Jimmy explained. Thomas felt a blush rise to his cheeks. _You thought I looked handsome?_

Jimmy sighed in exasperation, shaking his head again. “God, I was an idiot back then…”

“You’re still an idiot.” Thomas replied calmly and Jimmy pinched his arm. They smiled at eachother.

“All the same. I’m going to have to have a talk with him.” Jimmy said, watching his younger self cross his arms over his chest defensively and give the dark haired footman a tight smile.

“Tell him that threatening to call the cops on him isn’t **_especially_** endearing.” Thomas said, with a slight quirk at the corner of his mouth.

“Worked on you all the same.” Jimmy said.

“I should probably talk to myself too. Would you mind sharing any secrets to how to woo you? I could pass them on. Poor man needs all the help he can get.”

Jimmy laughed, “That he does. I’ll make a list and we can give it to Thomas.”

They watched the others for another minute before Jimmy took the first step into the other room to meet himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end! But please stick around there’s going to be an epilogue! The epilogue is not going to be what you’re expecting unless you’re very clever and have figured out my little plan.
> 
> Ahh this fic was crazy and I’m very grateful for everyone who bothered to reading it! I only hope I did camaelczarka’s ot3 and notfoul-barrow’s writing in True Narcissism justice in this fic even a little bit! Thank you thank you.


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